What I've Learned - the Year End Edition

2025 is rapidly drawing to a close and the only thing that seems clear is that short-term memory loss (at best) or willing disregard for reality (more likely) seem to be pre-requisites for long term success in Watch Town.

The people running watch town are now (by and large) not returning their prices to 
prior levels and typifying the assessment of basic human nature another great commentator on the watch business (Napoleon Bonaparte) provided in a Ted Talk back in the day - "Men are moved by two levers only: fear and self interest."

I still never cease to be amazed by the short- term memory of Watch Town's shot callers, they quickly went from squealing like a pig on Liberation day, to sticking their whole faces in the trough once they were assured that the only people really feeling the pinch would be their retail partners, customers, and the staff that some companies opted to lay off.

And, sadly enough, the same disregard for recent history is afflicting some of the very retail partners who got the fuzzy end of the lollipop not so long ago. Righteous indignation had been the order of the day back in April. For many of these guys and girls it must have felt like a betrayal. They had put their faith in a false prophet who, as it turns out, did not necessarily have their best interest at heart.  

So we will all take a short break, slowly get excited, and reconvene in about three and a half months so we can pretend like 2025 never happened.

What I've Learned - The Winter Is Coming Edition

It has been an interesting several months as the end of COVID19 has proven to be a false start, and now all of the sharps and confidence men (and women) have been forced to try and find an honest way to make a buck. And as always, for those of us who stopped, looked and listened? Well let's just say that there were some opportunities for self-examination and personal growth. But in the end it seems clear that the Emperor still is butt-naked and nobody is ready or willing to alert him to this reality.

So here's what I've learned -

1.  You can change your name as many times as you like, but you'll always be Biff Lowman. 

The BaselWorld/Hour Universe  team continue to have no compunction about putting their hands in the wallets of the brands that they still owe money to from their last shake down. This lack of shame is, well, pretty shameful. Speaking of shame, it is a shame that profiteers like this continue to operate without any sort of oversight to keep them honest. And the biggest shame? They'll keep right on doing it. To quote that other great commentator on the watch business, Bunk Moreland as played by Wendell Pierce on The Wire - 

"That's some shameful shit".

2.  As a journalist you will never be more popular with brands as you are when the brands are not popular with every other media outlet (particularly the ones they paid a LOT of money to for what is politely referred to as "exclusive partnerships").

Pay to Play is a sad reality, and with so many other "part-time lovers" out there, it's hard for a brand to keep enough money on hand to pay that exclusive media partner as often as they want to be paid for coverage.  And suddenly, that "exclusive" partnership is worthless. And all of the media outlets that got snubbed by the brand the last few times around are now using that brand's press release as toilet paper in their virtual bathrooms.

As another commentator on the watch business, Billie Holiday, once mused -

"A stiff dick has no conscience".  Long story short Mr and Ms Brand Owner, until you put more gas in the tank, that particular marketing vehicle is not moving.

3.  When a brand or sales manager calls you "My friend"  it still means "you f'ng asshole." 

What I've Learned - The Summer Vacation Edition

Have you ever had a few weeks of experiences that really make you question the sanity of the people you are dealing with?  Well, gentle reader, this past fortnight has been a trip!  So as life is a journey with several "teaching opportunities" along the way (not unlike Howard Johnson's along the interstates of 1970's North America) I thought I'd take this opportunity to offer a summer bonus - a double-scoop serving of "What I've Learned". 

1.  You only get to be the Prom Queen once

It's exciting to feel popular, to feel like everyone thinks you're the greatest. And the owners and managers of watch brands are just as susceptible to fits of ego as any teenager. It is exciting when the quarterback or the captain of the cheerleading squad asks you out. It's important to understand that one date (even to the Homecoming dance, with dinner at Sizzler and a limo), does not a relationship make. 

More simply put, the doors of success tend (by design) to swing both ways. It's great when you land front and center in a big-time watch media outlet.  And this tends to lend the impression that your champagne wishes and caviar dreams are all about to come true. The fact of the matter is, wonderful brand though you may be, the only reason you were noticed by a big-time outlet is because they found you through a smaller one. Not unlike how footballers get discovered and moved along the ranks from non-conference Sunday park players, to the Premiership. The only difference is that your brand is not a world class striker dating a Spice Girl. Believe it or not, as you are not a huge and well-established brand, and you are not (despite what you might think about yourself) a unicorn, you are likely to have a good pop out of your turn in the spotlight, but unless that big, sexy outlet keeps writing about you, you will be right back where you started from (hopefully a little richer, and a little wiser from the experience).  Or to quote that other great commentator on the watch business, Barry Hearn -

"The day you think you're the 'nuts', is the day you're disappearing down the toilet. Complacency in business is a killer. When you think you've made it, that's the beginning of the end. You have to drive yourself every day, every hour to be better."

2.  Nobody Remembers James "Buster" Douglas, but they should.

Permit me to take you back in time to 1990. I was finishing my last year at the U, getting ready to graduate, and I had finally made it onto the best football club in the city - NFZFC. I had played for a few years without much success in the city leagues. I was known, the opinion around the leagues was that I could play a bit, but I wasn't truly a "baller". That year I scored a boatload of goals, and NFZFC won the title outright. I had arrived after a long and circuitous route. But that's the funny thing about journeymen, they tend to surprise you when you least expect it, and the reason why they can do it is because the big swinging dicks fall prey to what the author of Moneyball warned against -

“The inability to envision a certain kind of person doing a certain kind of thing because you've never seen someone who looks like him do it before is not just a vice. It's a luxury. What begins as a failure of the imagination ends as a market inefficiency: when you rule out an entire class of people from doing a job simply by their appearance, you are less likely to find the best person for the job.” 
― Michael Lewis, Moneyball: The Art of Winning an Unfair Game

I received a communication from a brand owner recently that underscored this very backward thinking.  He essentially told me that his brand would only be sending their English language press releases to outlet X because outlet X had the biggest coverage and fit their perceived demographics as to who would buy their watches. He further said that he had worked with a "PR Professional" and they wanted to "cut down" on the amount of press coverage and focus on only this one outlet.  Now I realize, that I am a bit older and more conventional, but I was always under the impression that the entire goal of PR and marketing was to get your product in front of as many eyes as possible. So I am curious how the "RASPUTIN PR" group convinced the brand owner on such a dip-shit marketing concept. But from my own selfish perspective, it's one less brand that I need to worry about ; )  

But what this brand and their soft-headed pr agency are failing to grasp, is that while Mike Tyson was once the champ, and seemed unbeatable, he was knocked out in the 10th round by someone they didn't rate or respect. In this case, I think the most apt metaphor involves eggs and baskets. If you are a brand, you should want as much coverage as possible. Moreover, you shouldn't tell 99% of the media outlets to go and piss up a rope, because sooner or later, just like Mike Tyson, big sexy Media Outlet X is going to replaced by someone else. Quite possibly someone the brand snubbed before. And suddenly, it's prom night and Brand Y is sitting in the limousine with the corsage for big sexy Media Outlet A, watching as the geeky kid from the math olympics team hops out of his mother's station wagon, and picks up the Prom Queen ; )

Long story short?  It's a relationship business. Relationships take time, and they don't happen overnight. But they can be ruined pretty quickly without too much effort.

What I've Learned - the "We're nearly out of COVID19" Edition

With Watches and Wonders come and gone, and with most of us still watching for and wondering about something actually coming out of what in hindsight seems to be the watch show equivalent of the trophy every millennial kid in America got just for showing up to soccer practice, I thought it might be a moment to, in the words of the Poet Laureate of Dallas/Miami -

"Stop, collaborate and listen!".

Well, we all stopped, those of us in the Fourth and Fifth Estate were ready to listen.  But in the end?  There was precious little collaboration between the brands, their communications teams, the fair and the press corp as a whole. Or as they have been known to say in Watch Town - 

"If it wasn't reported on in Hodinkee, it didn't really happen".

I kid, sort of...

So while I am not really convinced that Watch Town on the whole has learned a damn thing coming out of COVID19 and Watches and Wonder 2021, I came away with some new nuggets of personal awareness, and reaffirmation of some previously held views:

1.  Magic Beans - Unless you're planning on growing a mutant plant, committing daylight robbery, and then "giantacide" during your getaway, magic beans are best left in children's stories.  Or put another way, apart from Rolex, Patek, Tudor and maybe a teensie bit from the Richemont pack, for everyone else who participated in Watches and Wonders, the payoff was Jack-Shit, and Jack left town.  Watches and Wonders promised a lot, delivered on not too much at all - but just as someone is always willing to sell you a nickel for a dime, there will be someone to buy your "magic beans".

2.  Press releases work better when they are actually, I don't know, released.  Curious to relate, registration as a member of the press for Watches and Wonders triggered almost ZERO communication from the brands themselves, and only a daily email from the Watches and Wonders "communications team" informing me about what an amazing job they were doing, and how totally awesome Watches and Wonders was. In the end I simply camped out at brands various social media outlets and got the news there.

3.  Certain media outlets, not unlike prostitutes tend not to provide "service" without "payment". Unfortunately several brand pr and communication managers spent all of their allowance last year, and with the cost of Watches and Wonders didn't have sufficient monies to grease the wheels that connect "honest, unbiased reporting" with business.  

4. Friendship in Watch Town, as in pretty much every other business (if we are being honest with ourselves) is about as certain as the next paycheck.

5.  "My friend" still means "you f'ng asshole." 

What I've Learned - The COVID Holiday Bonus!

It's been a minute since the last one of these, but the latest machinations in Watch Town reminded me that the more things change, there seems a persistent unwillingness to learn from the past.

Fair warning, this is going to get a little "blue", so you might want to send the kids out of the room.

1.  The only difference between a paid sycophant and "sponsored/partner content" is semantics.  

2.  The default position of most brand owners and managers is to "play not to lose" rather than "play to win".  I will refer back to that great treatise on luxury brand mismanagement, Moneyball:

“The inability to envision a certain kind of person doing a certain kind of thing because you've never seen someone who looks like him do it before is not just a vice. It's a luxury. What begins as a failure of the imagination ends as a market inefficiency: when you rule out an entire class of people from doing a job simply by their appearance, you are less likely to find the best person for the job.”
― Michael Lewis, Moneyball: The Art of Winning an Unfair Game 

The Transfer Window is open again, and as it is prime hiring and firing season, and as is often the case, already a few people have been cast into Cuisinart and popped out wearing new jerseys.  And we haven't even gotten to Christmas ; )

Oh, and Citichamp?  I know the guy you need to hire to fix Eterna. Shoot me an email, I won't even charge you a finder's fee ; )

3.  Exclusive Partnership is about as Exclusive as the relationship between a "professional companion" and their regular Thursday night appointment.  The only real difference is that the sex worker will make the client wear a condom.

4.  A stiff dick has no conscience.  Yes watch brand, we were happy to cover you, but that fee you paid was just for that one time.  

The Lincoln Lawyer

Or to quote Mickey Haller as played by Matthew McConaughey in The Lincoln Lawyer:

A.  "I don't get paid, I don't work."

And 

B.  "All you need to know is that we had a deal.  It's time to refill the tank."

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - brands paying for coverage is like lonely people paying for "companionship".  It shows a lack of effort and imagination, and the coverage will only continue if you keep filling up the tank.  Pretty Woman was a movie, not real life.

5.  There is always someone ready to sell you a nickel for a dime.

Happy Holidays!

Winter Repeat - What I've Learned

I first ran this a little less than two years ago and it seemed a good time to air it out again.

What I've Learned

Despite some pretty dubious watch coverage, I still really enjoy Esquire and I am a big fan of their "What I've Learned" interview segments.  So given some recent interactions I've had both in person and online, and considering that if I count back to when I first stepped behind the counter at Tourneau in San Francisco, I've been "in the game" for 15 years now, I thought it might be fun to put out my own "What I've Learned" piece.  So, gentle reader, here is some of what 
I've learned -

For some outlets, nothing is ever really free.

Now in fairness, people who write about watches are largely divided into two groups:

Those who do it out of passion alone, and those who do it for a living.  Quick note, nothing 

wrong with doing it for a living.  Of the second group, some do it for a living, but are still

passionate about what they do, and actually consider writing about a watch, a brand, 

a watch maker WITHOUT asking for payment (be it advertising, sponsored posts, outright payola) 

first.  For those of your out there in the marketing departments - if your going to spend

marketing money, then spend it on people out there writing about things that they

are passionate about, not just what they are being paid for.


While it is true that Hayek saved the Swiss Watch industry, Jean-Claude Biver would have still kicked ass with Blancpain and would have lived happily ever after either way.

I was there before Hublot became what they would become.  
I am still here now that it is a somewhat bumbling PR gas factory that, apparently, also makes watches.  Although I know that I have the ability to highly irritate him, I have a great deal of respect for Jean-Claude Biver.  But now is the time to start thinking about legacy.  About what happens when he is no longer there.  Jean-Claude Biver is a very, very impressive man.  He has done some very amazing things. Here's hoping it doesn't get washed away.

When a brand manager or CEO asks you "How are you my friend?"  The translation of that is - "how you doing, asshole?"

Brand managers, CEOs, PR people?  By and large, they are not your friends. No offense intended to brand managers, CEOs or PR people ; ). But be honest with yourself, you're not likely to be invited to their kid's wedding. Don't delude yourself to the contrary.  You might get lucky with a few - and I have, but the true friends will reveal themselves over time, and they are the ones you should always make time for at BaselWorld.

Having said all that - sometimes you will, despite your compulsion to serve up cold cups of coffee, find some true friends and supporters in some very unexpected places.

You will learn to see when people are genuine.  Hold onto those people like a non-treatable social disease.  They have every reason to dislike you based on what you write or say, and yet they are your audience.  And they are your friends indeed.

Rich, famous, important people - are a lot less interesting when you finally meet them.

Little known piece of Henki lore, my father was a country club manager.  Translation?  He worked so that the more well-heeled could play.  I worked in the locker room of the club, my first job working as a shoe shine guy.  Believe it or not, in the 70s and 80s, there was an actual industry based upon shining the shoes of rich people while they walked around a park-like environment, drinking beer and whacking small white balls.  Rich people, famous people?  They are people.  George Steinbrenner was a titan of industry and master manipulator.  I can tell you from personal experience, his shoes smelled just as awful as an orthodontist, dermatologist or mid-level auto executive's.   The one thing all four of these guys had in common?  They were shitty tippers.

I have met some of the big swinging dicks of the industry.  It is all too often underwhelming.

When anyone tells you how amazing you are and how "just as soon as you take advertising, we're in!"  this person should be taken with about as much seriousness as you would take the drunk person asking for $3 on the commuter train so that they can "buy a healthy snack".

We all say a lot of highly dubious stuff when we've been drinking.  That's why your wife/husband/partner learns over the years to apply the bullshit filter.  Make sure you do the same, it will spare you a fair amount of frustration and disappointment.

When you have made it clear by your actions, your writing, and your passion that you are predisposed to write nice things about a brand, and said brand treats you with a fair amount of indifference?  Take it on the heel and toe.  Love needs to be reciprocal.

I am still somewhat miffed by my interaction with a certain member of the SWATCH group.  I gave up a Thanksgiving holiday, spent several hundred dollars of my own money to interview their CEO, and then watched as the outlet that they were on retainer with got so-called "exclusives", review opportunities, etc., and I got the cold shoulder.   To this day, I have no doubt that the North American brand manager of SWATCH GROUP brand X just thinks that I am a difficult person.  But in fairness?  If someone is willing to give you so much for NOTHING?  You can spare a little time and a little effort.  And for what it's worth?  In speaking with retail partners of SWATCH GROUP brand X, they are not exactly selling like the waffle's sexier cousin - the hotcake.

Brands are made up of people.  The brand does not exist without the people.  If a brand has good people - I will do ALL that I can.  If a brand has people that just don't care?  Why should I care about them?

I get the odd comment - "I thought you were a fan of Brand A".  Well, I have come to learn that brands are made of people.  It's not as if the founders of Girard-Perregaux are going to make a special appearance in the physical world to tour me around the factory.  The brand?  The brand is the people who work there.  So put it in another context - do you like spending time with people who treat you poorly?  Of course you don't.  Molly Ringwald's entire career was based on this notion.  A watch is an inanimate object.  It can't speak for itself.  A brand is not simply products.  A brand is the people who make those products, and share that message.   

Brand ambassadors are about as worthwhile as what you wipe your backside with.

There is a reason why Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot are not mentioned as customers of Brand X.  

Churchill, Napoleon, Lindbergh?  All flawed, all now "ambassadors" from the great beyond.  Well, they won, didn't they? They were all flawed, all had baggage. But they are a whole lot more palatable.  

Question - do you think that the Mario Batali Ernst Benz is a big seller right now?  

Sorry, too soon? 

A brand ambassador will not be there with you when they turn out the lights and escort you out of your now former office.  A former brand that was "ALL IN" can attest to that.

Remember everyone you meet when times are good.  You will see them again on your way back down.  

It is inevitable to fail.  The trick is not to make a habit of it.  More importantly?  Don't be a jackass when times are good.  Sooner or later, it is likely you will fail.  By and large, most of us want to help people and offer our support.  That is, of course, presuming that person behaved, well, like a person when times were good ; )

Don't fake the funk 

Because in the immortal words of that other great commentator on the watch industry Daryl Dawkins:
“When everything is said and done there is nothing left to do or say.” 

What I've Learned - Part the Second

Made in Switzerland is often about as "Swiss Made" as I am.  

For the record, I was born in Ohio.

No matter how charming they may seem, a bully is still a bully.

The watch industry is full of passionate, creative, dynamic people.  It is also full of crusty old white, male fossils.  If some of the big dogs spent even half the time working on creative ideas that they spend trying to stifle the creativity of other, smaller brands?  They might be pleasantly surprised by the outcome.

No matter how much you rub it, it's pretty hard to polish a turd.

Now it does bear mentioning that Myth Busters proved that, in fact, you can actually polish a turd.  Having said that, under the gloss, it is still a turd.  Would you want it?  Remember that the next time you see a particularly unpleasant looking watch heralded as the next great thing ; )

You can put a shoe in the oven, but that doesn't make it a cake.

It never fails to amaze me how brands both big and medium size will continue to re-hire the same group of brand managers, CEOs, sales directors, PR firms etc., perpetuating the cycle of dysfunction.  I would love to posses the salesmanship to be able to convince a head hunter, hiring manager, and board of directors that even though I have consistently proven myself to be a poor steward of other brands and am more interested in my personal compensation, bonuses and perks than the success of the brand, that I should still be hired and given carte blanche.  Moreover, even though I have experienced serial failures, and will show no empathy for the people working for/with me or actual management ability to lead the actual people who actually make the watches, (who therefore are, actually, the brand itself), and will wreak havoc, only to be frog-marched out once the board realizes it can't allow me to be anywhere near the company any longer, I will get this position, and inevitably the next one as well. 

“Managers tend to pick a strategy that is the least likely to fail, rather then to pick a strategy that is most efficient," Said Palmer. " The pain of looking bad is worse than the gain of making the best move.”
Michael Lewis, Moneyball: The Art of Winning an Unfair Game
  

Influencer is to actual, honest coverage as tape worm is to weight loss.

'nuff said.

What I've Learned

Despite some pretty dubious watch coverage (i.e. you pay, we'll cover you), I still really enjoy Esquire and I am a big fan of their "What I've Learned" interview segments.  So given some recent interactions I've had both in person and online, and considering that if I count back to when I first stepped behind the counter at Tourneau in San Francisco, I've been "in the game" for 15 years now, I thought it might be fun to put out my own "What I've Learned" piece.  So, gentle reader, here is some of what 
I've learned -

While it is true that Hayek saved the Swiss Watch industry, Jean-Claude Biver would have still kicked ass with Blancpain and would have lived happily ever after either way.

I was there before Hublot became what they would become.  
I am still here now that it is a somewhat bumbling PR gas factory that, apparently, also makes watches.  Although I know that I have the ability to highly irritate him, I have a great deal of respect for Jean-Claude Biver.  But now is the time to start thinking about legacy.  About what happens when he is no longer there.  Jean-Claude Biver is a very, very impressive man.  He has done some very amazing things. Here's hoping it doesn't get washed away.

When a brand manager or CEO asks you "How are you my friend?"  The translation of that is - "how you doing, asshole?"

Brand managers, CEOs, PR people?  By and large,they are not your friends.  Don't delude yourself to the contrary.  You might get lucky with a few - and I have, but the true friends will reveal themselves over time, and they are the ones you should always make time for at BaselWorld.


Having said all that - sometimes you will, despite your compulsion to serve up cold cups of coffee, find some true friends and supporters in some very unexpected places.

You will learn to see when people are genuine.  Hold onto those people like a non-treatable social disease.  They have every reason to dislike you based on what you write or say, and yet they are your audience.  And they are your friends indeed.

Rich, famous, important people - are a lot less interesting when you finally meet them.

Little known piece of Henki lore, my father was a country club manager.  Translation?  He worked so that the more well-heeled could play.  I worked in the locker room of the club, my first job working as a shoe shine guy.  Believe it or not, in the 70s and 80s, there was an actual industry based upon shining the shoes of rich people while they walked around a park-like environment, drinking beer and whacking small white balls.  Rich people, famous people?  They are people.  George Steinbrenner was a titan of industry and master manipulator.  I can tell you from personal experience, his shoes smelled just as awful as an orthodontist, dermatologist or mid-level auto executive's.   The one thing all four of these guys had in common?  They were shitty tippers.

I have met some of the big swinging dicks of the industry.  It is all too often underwhelming.

When anyone tells you how amazing you are and how "just as soon as you take advertising, we're in!"  this person should be taken with about as much seriousness as you would take the drunk person asking for $3 on the commuter train so that they can "buy a healthy snack".

We all say a lot of highly dubious stuff when we've been drinking.  That's why your wife/husband/partner learns over the years to apply the bullshit filter.  Make sure you do the same, it will spare you a fair amount of heartache.

When you have made it clear by your actions, your writing, and your passion that you are predisposed to write nice things about a brand, and said brand treats you with a fair amount of indifference?  Take it on the heel and toe.  Love needs to be reciprocal.

I am still somewhat miffed by my interaction with a certain member of the SWATCH group.  I gave up a Thanksgiving holiday, spent several hundred dollars of my own money to interview their CEO, and then watched as the outlet that they were on retainer with got so-called "exclusives", review opportunities, etc., and I got the cold shoulder.   To this day, I have no doubt that the North American brand manager of SWATCH GROUP brand X just thinks that I am a difficult person.  But in fairness?  If someone is willing to give you so much for NOTHING?  You can spare a little time and a little effort.  And for what it's worth?  In speaking with retail partners of SWATCH GROUP brand X, they are not exactly selling like the waffle's sexier cousin - the hotcake.

Brands are made up of people.  The brand does not exist without the people.  If a brand has good people - I will do ALL that I can.  If a brand has people that just don't care?  Why should I care about them?

I get the odd comment - "I thought you were a fan of Brand A".  Well, I have come to learn that brands are made of people.  It's not as if the founders of Girard-Perregaux are going to make a special appearance in the physical world to tour me around the factory.  The brand?  The brand is the people who work there.  So put it in another context - do you like spending time with people who treat you poorly?  Of course you don't.  Molly Ringwald's entire career was based on this notion.  A watch is an inanimate object.  It can't speak for itself.  A brand is not simply products.  A brand is the people who make those products, and share that message.  

Brand ambassadors are about as worthwhile as what you wipe your backside with.

There is a reason why Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot are not mentioned as customers of Brand X.  

Churchill, Napoleon, Lindbergh?  All flawed, all now "ambassadors" from the great beyond.  Well, they won, didn't they? They were all flawed, all had baggage. But they are a whole lot more palatable. 

Question - do you think that the Mario Batali Ernst Benz is a big seller right now?  

Sorry, too soon? 

A brand ambassador will not be there with you when they turn out the lights.  A former brand that was "ALL IN" can attest to that.

Remember everyone you meet when times are good.  You will see them again on your way back down.  

It is inevitable to fail.  The trick is not to make a habit of it.  More importantly?  Don't be a jackass when times are good.  Sooner or later, it is likely you will fail.  By and large, most of us want to help people and offer our support.  That is, of course, presuming that person behaved, well, like a person when times were good ; )

Don't fake the funk 

Because in the immortal words of that other great commentator on the watch industry Daryl Dawkins:
“When everything is said and done there is nothing left to do or say.”