Winter Repeat - What I've Learned

I first ran this a little less than two years ago and it seemed a good time to air it out again.

What I've Learned

Despite some pretty dubious watch coverage, I still really enjoy Esquire and I am a big fan of their "What I've Learned" interview segments.  So given some recent interactions I've had both in person and online, and considering that if I count back to when I first stepped behind the counter at Tourneau in San Francisco, I've been "in the game" for 15 years now, I thought it might be fun to put out my own "What I've Learned" piece.  So, gentle reader, here is some of what 
I've learned -

For some outlets, nothing is ever really free.

Now in fairness, people who write about watches are largely divided into two groups:

Those who do it out of passion alone, and those who do it for a living.  Quick note, nothing 

wrong with doing it for a living.  Of the second group, some do it for a living, but are still

passionate about what they do, and actually consider writing about a watch, a brand, 

a watch maker WITHOUT asking for payment (be it advertising, sponsored posts, outright payola) 

first.  For those of your out there in the marketing departments - if your going to spend

marketing money, then spend it on people out there writing about things that they

are passionate about, not just what they are being paid for.


While it is true that Hayek saved the Swiss Watch industry, Jean-Claude Biver would have still kicked ass with Blancpain and would have lived happily ever after either way.

I was there before Hublot became what they would become.  
I am still here now that it is a somewhat bumbling PR gas factory that, apparently, also makes watches.  Although I know that I have the ability to highly irritate him, I have a great deal of respect for Jean-Claude Biver.  But now is the time to start thinking about legacy.  About what happens when he is no longer there.  Jean-Claude Biver is a very, very impressive man.  He has done some very amazing things. Here's hoping it doesn't get washed away.

When a brand manager or CEO asks you "How are you my friend?"  The translation of that is - "how you doing, asshole?"

Brand managers, CEOs, PR people?  By and large, they are not your friends. No offense intended to brand managers, CEOs or PR people ; ). But be honest with yourself, you're not likely to be invited to their kid's wedding. Don't delude yourself to the contrary.  You might get lucky with a few - and I have, but the true friends will reveal themselves over time, and they are the ones you should always make time for at BaselWorld.

Having said all that - sometimes you will, despite your compulsion to serve up cold cups of coffee, find some true friends and supporters in some very unexpected places.

You will learn to see when people are genuine.  Hold onto those people like a non-treatable social disease.  They have every reason to dislike you based on what you write or say, and yet they are your audience.  And they are your friends indeed.

Rich, famous, important people - are a lot less interesting when you finally meet them.

Little known piece of Henki lore, my father was a country club manager.  Translation?  He worked so that the more well-heeled could play.  I worked in the locker room of the club, my first job working as a shoe shine guy.  Believe it or not, in the 70s and 80s, there was an actual industry based upon shining the shoes of rich people while they walked around a park-like environment, drinking beer and whacking small white balls.  Rich people, famous people?  They are people.  George Steinbrenner was a titan of industry and master manipulator.  I can tell you from personal experience, his shoes smelled just as awful as an orthodontist, dermatologist or mid-level auto executive's.   The one thing all four of these guys had in common?  They were shitty tippers.

I have met some of the big swinging dicks of the industry.  It is all too often underwhelming.

When anyone tells you how amazing you are and how "just as soon as you take advertising, we're in!"  this person should be taken with about as much seriousness as you would take the drunk person asking for $3 on the commuter train so that they can "buy a healthy snack".

We all say a lot of highly dubious stuff when we've been drinking.  That's why your wife/husband/partner learns over the years to apply the bullshit filter.  Make sure you do the same, it will spare you a fair amount of frustration and disappointment.

When you have made it clear by your actions, your writing, and your passion that you are predisposed to write nice things about a brand, and said brand treats you with a fair amount of indifference?  Take it on the heel and toe.  Love needs to be reciprocal.

I am still somewhat miffed by my interaction with a certain member of the SWATCH group.  I gave up a Thanksgiving holiday, spent several hundred dollars of my own money to interview their CEO, and then watched as the outlet that they were on retainer with got so-called "exclusives", review opportunities, etc., and I got the cold shoulder.   To this day, I have no doubt that the North American brand manager of SWATCH GROUP brand X just thinks that I am a difficult person.  But in fairness?  If someone is willing to give you so much for NOTHING?  You can spare a little time and a little effort.  And for what it's worth?  In speaking with retail partners of SWATCH GROUP brand X, they are not exactly selling like the waffle's sexier cousin - the hotcake.

Brands are made up of people.  The brand does not exist without the people.  If a brand has good people - I will do ALL that I can.  If a brand has people that just don't care?  Why should I care about them?

I get the odd comment - "I thought you were a fan of Brand A".  Well, I have come to learn that brands are made of people.  It's not as if the founders of Girard-Perregaux are going to make a special appearance in the physical world to tour me around the factory.  The brand?  The brand is the people who work there.  So put it in another context - do you like spending time with people who treat you poorly?  Of course you don't.  Molly Ringwald's entire career was based on this notion.  A watch is an inanimate object.  It can't speak for itself.  A brand is not simply products.  A brand is the people who make those products, and share that message.   

Brand ambassadors are about as worthwhile as what you wipe your backside with.

There is a reason why Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot are not mentioned as customers of Brand X.  

Churchill, Napoleon, Lindbergh?  All flawed, all now "ambassadors" from the great beyond.  Well, they won, didn't they? They were all flawed, all had baggage. But they are a whole lot more palatable.  

Question - do you think that the Mario Batali Ernst Benz is a big seller right now?  

Sorry, too soon? 

A brand ambassador will not be there with you when they turn out the lights and escort you out of your now former office.  A former brand that was "ALL IN" can attest to that.

Remember everyone you meet when times are good.  You will see them again on your way back down.  

It is inevitable to fail.  The trick is not to make a habit of it.  More importantly?  Don't be a jackass when times are good.  Sooner or later, it is likely you will fail.  By and large, most of us want to help people and offer our support.  That is, of course, presuming that person behaved, well, like a person when times were good ; )

Don't fake the funk 

Because in the immortal words of that other great commentator on the watch industry Daryl Dawkins:
“When everything is said and done there is nothing left to do or say.” 

Summer Repeat - Watch Marketing as Proposed by Napoleon Bonaparte

I first ran this in 2017.  With the recent events at DOXA I am reminded once again that the industry is populated by people at the top who are scared shitless of trying something original, or a wee bit scary.  So without further delay -

Watch Marketing as Proposed by Napoleon Bonaparte 

Some words of wisdom on watch marketing, and how to ensure 

your message gets heard.

Men are more easily governed through their vices than their virtues 

The halls of BaselWorld are littered with swag bags erupting with every type of nicety from silk ties and scarves, to iPad minis, to wireless headphones.  The all expense paid trips to Geneva, to Glashutte, to the Napa Valley, to Sag Harbor, all the trimmings that get dangled in front of any press member or influencer that a watch company PR person feels can be "massaged", well let's just say it is an easy button to hit.  Who doesn't like comped travel and shiny things?  So when a brand PR office says they don't have money for advertising, well that's bullshit.  Because they clearly have money for trinkets, travel, steaks and wine.

And when certain blogs, influencers and writers claim that they "painstakingly curate" their content, well, that is also bullshit.  Because they know that the brands have the money to pay the backhanders requested (and oftentimes required) in order to ensure that their new watch, partnership or campaign will receive coverage, and that they will pay it.  It is a lovely example of co-dependency.

Men are moved by two levers only:  fear and self interest

Now I've said it before, and I'll say it again - I like free sparkly things, and I like comped travel to exotic, exciting locations. And I would love to be included in these little vacations disguised as press junkets.  But as with any game, you are expected to play by certain rules.  So that is one way to move the press - self interest.

But let's talk about fear.  It goes without saying, the people who hold the strings to the advertising funds, or more crucially grant and withhold access to the brand can, and often do, use their position as both a spur and a bridle.  It is the perfect way to ensure that you get what you want, and to stifle any contrary voice out there not in line with your program.

This, of course, is not how a free press is meant to work.  And although it might be standard operating procedure in fashion, etc., I would again point to the automotive press.  It can be particularly brutal in its honesty.  Yet the level of passion that auto enthusiasts have for cars and car brands completely eclipses that of the watch enthusiasts.  And the auto enthusiasts count on the auto press to offer honest, unvarnished feedback.  So what is the luxury industry so afraid of?

It doesn't need to continue to be this way.  Particularly with the currently wretched state of affairs in the watch industry, maybe things can change.  So let me turn to the former Emperor for a final idea -

The people to fear are not those who disagree with you, but those who disagree with you and are too cowardly to let you know.

What I constantly hear is that I say the things that other people are thinking and wish that they could say, but can't for fear of professional damage.  

So a modest suggestion to you pr and brand managers out there - rather than dumping tens of thousands of dollars to continually feed the barking seals around you to ensure that you  hear what you want, maybe listen to some honest, albeit uncomfortable feedback.

What I've Learned

Despite some pretty dubious watch coverage (i.e. you pay, we'll cover you), I still really enjoy Esquire and I am a big fan of their "What I've Learned" interview segments.  So given some recent interactions I've had both in person and online, and considering that if I count back to when I first stepped behind the counter at Tourneau in San Francisco, I've been "in the game" for 15 years now, I thought it might be fun to put out my own "What I've Learned" piece.  So, gentle reader, here is some of what 
I've learned -

While it is true that Hayek saved the Swiss Watch industry, Jean-Claude Biver would have still kicked ass with Blancpain and would have lived happily ever after either way.

I was there before Hublot became what they would become.  
I am still here now that it is a somewhat bumbling PR gas factory that, apparently, also makes watches.  Although I know that I have the ability to highly irritate him, I have a great deal of respect for Jean-Claude Biver.  But now is the time to start thinking about legacy.  About what happens when he is no longer there.  Jean-Claude Biver is a very, very impressive man.  He has done some very amazing things. Here's hoping it doesn't get washed away.

When a brand manager or CEO asks you "How are you my friend?"  The translation of that is - "how you doing, asshole?"

Brand managers, CEOs, PR people?  By and large,they are not your friends.  Don't delude yourself to the contrary.  You might get lucky with a few - and I have, but the true friends will reveal themselves over time, and they are the ones you should always make time for at BaselWorld.


Having said all that - sometimes you will, despite your compulsion to serve up cold cups of coffee, find some true friends and supporters in some very unexpected places.

You will learn to see when people are genuine.  Hold onto those people like a non-treatable social disease.  They have every reason to dislike you based on what you write or say, and yet they are your audience.  And they are your friends indeed.

Rich, famous, important people - are a lot less interesting when you finally meet them.

Little known piece of Henki lore, my father was a country club manager.  Translation?  He worked so that the more well-heeled could play.  I worked in the locker room of the club, my first job working as a shoe shine guy.  Believe it or not, in the 70s and 80s, there was an actual industry based upon shining the shoes of rich people while they walked around a park-like environment, drinking beer and whacking small white balls.  Rich people, famous people?  They are people.  George Steinbrenner was a titan of industry and master manipulator.  I can tell you from personal experience, his shoes smelled just as awful as an orthodontist, dermatologist or mid-level auto executive's.   The one thing all four of these guys had in common?  They were shitty tippers.

I have met some of the big swinging dicks of the industry.  It is all too often underwhelming.

When anyone tells you how amazing you are and how "just as soon as you take advertising, we're in!"  this person should be taken with about as much seriousness as you would take the drunk person asking for $3 on the commuter train so that they can "buy a healthy snack".

We all say a lot of highly dubious stuff when we've been drinking.  That's why your wife/husband/partner learns over the years to apply the bullshit filter.  Make sure you do the same, it will spare you a fair amount of heartache.

When you have made it clear by your actions, your writing, and your passion that you are predisposed to write nice things about a brand, and said brand treats you with a fair amount of indifference?  Take it on the heel and toe.  Love needs to be reciprocal.

I am still somewhat miffed by my interaction with a certain member of the SWATCH group.  I gave up a Thanksgiving holiday, spent several hundred dollars of my own money to interview their CEO, and then watched as the outlet that they were on retainer with got so-called "exclusives", review opportunities, etc., and I got the cold shoulder.   To this day, I have no doubt that the North American brand manager of SWATCH GROUP brand X just thinks that I am a difficult person.  But in fairness?  If someone is willing to give you so much for NOTHING?  You can spare a little time and a little effort.  And for what it's worth?  In speaking with retail partners of SWATCH GROUP brand X, they are not exactly selling like the waffle's sexier cousin - the hotcake.

Brands are made up of people.  The brand does not exist without the people.  If a brand has good people - I will do ALL that I can.  If a brand has people that just don't care?  Why should I care about them?

I get the odd comment - "I thought you were a fan of Brand A".  Well, I have come to learn that brands are made of people.  It's not as if the founders of Girard-Perregaux are going to make a special appearance in the physical world to tour me around the factory.  The brand?  The brand is the people who work there.  So put it in another context - do you like spending time with people who treat you poorly?  Of course you don't.  Molly Ringwald's entire career was based on this notion.  A watch is an inanimate object.  It can't speak for itself.  A brand is not simply products.  A brand is the people who make those products, and share that message.  

Brand ambassadors are about as worthwhile as what you wipe your backside with.

There is a reason why Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot are not mentioned as customers of Brand X.  

Churchill, Napoleon, Lindbergh?  All flawed, all now "ambassadors" from the great beyond.  Well, they won, didn't they? They were all flawed, all had baggage. But they are a whole lot more palatable. 

Question - do you think that the Mario Batali Ernst Benz is a big seller right now?  

Sorry, too soon? 

A brand ambassador will not be there with you when they turn out the lights.  A former brand that was "ALL IN" can attest to that.

Remember everyone you meet when times are good.  You will see them again on your way back down.  

It is inevitable to fail.  The trick is not to make a habit of it.  More importantly?  Don't be a jackass when times are good.  Sooner or later, it is likely you will fail.  By and large, most of us want to help people and offer our support.  That is, of course, presuming that person behaved, well, like a person when times were good ; )

Don't fake the funk 

Because in the immortal words of that other great commentator on the watch industry Daryl Dawkins:
“When everything is said and done there is nothing left to do or say.”  

A Fusion of...

So...

We are back to the topic of celebrity partner / endorser.  Want to know why Breguet doesn't have any problems with the celebrity clients they used to mention in their advertisements like Napoleon and Churchill?  Simple, most of them are dead.  Sounds a bit harsh, but with the news breaking of celebrity partner Lapo Elkann's unfortunate mishap in New York City this past weekend, the question comes to the surface again - are celebrity partners worth the risk?  For those unaware, according to the New York Times (among other outlets) Mr. Elkann was in New York City when following a night of fun, frolics and antics he was believed to have made a false police report.  Britain's Guardian put it a little less subtly -

Lapo Elkann, scion of powerful Agnelli family, charged with faking own kidnap

What pretty much every other outlet I have read has agreed on is that Mr. Elkann was reportedly with an "escort" and that there were drugs involved.  Which is, in fairness, neither here nor there.  The problem arose when he contacted his family, let them know that he was being held against his will and needed $10,000 to gain his release.  I refer you to the reporting from the Guardian.

Needless to say, $10,000 for an Agnelli is a bargain even in this economy.

Part of the fun of working for a watch company that has a following of any sort is that you get to meet some famous and interesting people. And there are few people as interesting as the grandson of L'Avvocato.  But just as celebrities come with entourages, they also come with baggage.  

The people at Hublot are not fools.  There are plenty of bright, savvy people who I suspect give a fair amount of consideration to risk vs reward when it comes to their celebrity partners.  There have been some home runs - Usain Bolt, Pele and others.  Some have been a wee bit controversial like Diego Maradona (although I still say at his peak he was a better player than Pele).  And some were just not good ideas - Floyd Mayweather was perhaps an ill-advised roll of the PR dice.  And that is putting it as delicately as I can.  Luckily the "Black and Blue" Bang never saw the light of day.  Now if we could just convince them to walk away from FIFA we'd really be onto something ; )

And now we come back to Elkann the younger.  Hublot was, of course, counting on his celebrity, enthusiasm, and potential to provoke attention.  Well, when viewed strictly in those terms he has delivered.

So the big question is - was this a PR "black eye" that Hublot was unwilling to suffer? 
Well, maybe, because it appears that perhaps this was a bang too big for the folks in Nyon because as of 7:00 AM Eastern Time, any attempt to find Mr. Elkann's visage on the Hublot website or to select the Italia Independent watch was greeted with:


Our website is under maintenance,
Sorry for disconvenience.

 

Now before you get too snarky, it bears mentioning that although disconvenience is not a word that could be said to be in "common usage", it is actually a word.  Albeit not one regularly used for several hundred years.  So strap on your "Big Bang Sundial" while I educate you, courtesy of Oxford Dictionary Online:

Disconvenience

noun

rare

• 1historical
  Lack of accordance or correspondence; = disconveniency. Compare inconvenience. historical and rare after 17th cent.
• 2Inconvenience, disadvantage; (as a count noun) an inconvenience, a disadvantage. Now rare.

Origin

Late Middle English; earliest use found in Guy de Chauliac's Grande Chirurgie. Originally from (i) Middle French disconvenience disagreement, incompatibility.