Brand Ambassador Bingo - The "Free Brittany" Edition

Dear LVMH (and frankly every brand out there),

Consider this your wake-up call. It's time to free yourselves, and free your celebrity partners from the Squid Game that is brand ambassador bingo.

Courtesy of Netflix

So right off the bat, I want to make something crystal clear - the topic of today's post is on the public conduct of brand ambassadors, and why brand ambassadors can all too often come back and bite you in the hind quarters. Brands typically like to have an ambassador that is in the news for positive things, and tends not to be on a soapbox venting his/her spleen. 

So to be clear, this is not a post (or debate) about whether or not vaccines work, whether COVID19 is real as opposed to a plot cooked up by some secret cabal bent on world domination, or even whether or not Bigfoot exists. (As far as Sasquatch goes, I have an open mind).

It is fair to say that the celebrity wranglers in the watch division at LVMH might be reconsidering some of their recent choices. For better or worse, since the somewhat goofy reign of Nataf, Zenith has struggled to fully understand who they are as a brand, what type of  brand they are and how to gain traction in a world chock full of high end manufacturers. All this while coexisting in the fishbowl of a watch group that never met a famous brand ambassador, partner, friend of the brand it didn't like. 

Enter -

AARON RODGERS

"As the top rated quarterback in the NFL and a living legend in American football, Aaron Rodgers knows what it means to reach your star, and do it with impeccable timing." 

At least, that's how Zenith saw it when they signed him to be the face of the brand in North America. I will say I find it intriguing that the folks in Le Locle seem to have an almost fetishistic desire to sign NFL quarterbacks to represent them, yet they also seem to have a knack for picking these guys just after they've reached their "zenith"... see what I did there? Sorry, too soon?  It is a "thirst trap", and apparently they're still thirsty.

Now as someone who prides himself on speaking his mind, I respect Mr. Rodger's right to say or do as he pleases. But then again, Zenith is not dropping tons of cash in my bank account or duking me with multiple chronographs. And as you can tell by looking at the site, I am not courting multiple advertisers.

One other interesting thing to consider in this particular sideshow is the sudden about face of conservative media outlets (and more than a few conservative watch retailers in California) who previously told Colin Kaepernick to stand, and for LeBron James to "shut up and dribble", who demanded that everyone respect the President of the United States... and interesting that many of these same people now laud Mr. Rodgers for his "I don't give a f___!" approach to public relations, and his assertion that the White House is "fake". I would like to think that with the benefit of an undergraduate degree from Cal Berkeley he could have been more eloquent. It's clear that the difference between being a spoiled athlete who should clam up and stick to sports, and being a "freedom loving not afraid to speak his truth individual" is all about perception...or shades thereof.

And speaking of  "challenging" friends of the brand, we come to Hublot. FIFA is a no-win situation unless you concur with FIFA's president, Gianni Infantino's assessment that holding the World Cup twice a year will prevent the death at sea of African migrants -

https://www.theguardian.com/football/2022/jan/26/fifa-gianni-infantino-biennial-world-cup-could-save-african-migrants-from-death-in-the-sea

And hey, if it just so happens to put some more cash in his and FIFA's bank accounts, what's the harm?

Floyd Mayweather's selection as an ambassador raised such a stink with one NYC based watch maven that they swore they would never darken the door of any event Hublot hosted! That resolve lasted about two weeks. A press lunch with free flowing champagne and an audience with Jean-Claude Biver must have mitigated this individual's (self) righteous indignation.

As it applies to his tennis, and a lot of the really cool things he has done with charity, I am a fan of Novak Djokovic. That being said, one particular irony was this little missive from 2020:

https://novakdjokovic.com/en/news/media/novak-jelena-and-the-ndf-donating-1-million-euros-to-help-serbia-fight-covid-19/

Now before anyone goes crying "fake news", this is from Mr. Djokovic's own website. 

And once more, this is not a post about vaccinations, COVID mortality or the Loch Ness Monster...although I have seen Champ on the Vermont side of Lake Champlain 

Courtesy of https://www.lakechamplainregion.com/heritage/champ

Now that the humor is dispensed with, let's talk about why these situations are bad for business (and public health and the fabric of society).

In Aaron Rodger's case, he is absolutely free to say and feel what he does. That being said, he is a public figure, and as such he is going to come under scrutiny - you take the rough with the smooth. Unfortunately, Mr. Rodgers is serving up his dissatisfaction with a LOT of fairly random and wide-ranging anger and open hostility, and that is never a good look for a brand ambassador. He is now at the center of what is becoming an even more heated and pointless debate. The heated aspect is understandable as there is a ton of anger on both sides. The debate is pointless because neither side is showing any side of changing their mind. It is essentially like pissing into a cup of coffee believing you'll improve the flavor, but you simply end up ruining it for yourself and anyone else.

In the case of Mr. Djokovic, there is probably too much to unpack, but the short form is this - Australia is (sorry Mr. Djokovic Senior) a sovereign country, and their rules are their rules. You don't have to like them, you don't even have to agree with them. But you do have to respect them if you wish to be a guest in their country. What you do in your own place is your own business. That being said, Djokovic the Elder beseeching Queen Elizabeth to intervene as Australia was a Commonwealth country added a bit of slapstick to an otherwise sad and jingoistic pastiche. I am fairly confident that every so-called western country has not and is not actively conniving to keep Mr. Djokovic the Younger from remaining the number 1 tennis player in the world. Although as bat-shit crazy theories go, the idea that the "EVIL WEST" could get its collective act together enough to hatch such a diabolical plot is the stuff of conspiracy theory legend. Consider this, we can't even all agree to use kilometers as opposed to miles, or to all drive on the right hand side of the road as opposed to the left. Or even whether pants are underwear or in fact trousers. The fact that Djokovic the Elder thinks that we are that well organized (and cunning) is flattering, albeit downright laughable. Let's hope some time off and a cool drink (not Kool Aid) will help him get back in touch with his better angels.

In not so distant times, I was responsible for seeking celebrities (both mighty and small) to partner with various brands. And in truth? I was always anxious about it. The rule of thumb was (and probably remains) -

Everyone loves puppies / Nobody likes cancer

Unfortunately, the world of celebrity partnerships seems to be rife with situations that morph into "cancer puppies". And ultimately it serves to remind us of a few important facts of life, not the least of which is that these are people, actual human beings. Just like any "normal" person, for all of their talent, beauty and strength, they are just as flawed as the rest of us. They are just as vulnerable, just as prone to imperfection, just as human. 

So maybe its time to let these folks step down from the pedestal and let them be themselves, let them be "mere mortals". Whether we agree with them or not, particularly in these volatile times, maybe we need to remember what the Police once shared at another tense moment -

"We can all sink or we all float
'Cos we're all in the same big boat"

Free the Ambassadors!

What I've Learned - The 10th Anniversary Edition

So irony of ironies, the 10th Anniversary of Tempus Fugit arrived while I was busy writing grant proposals and ironing out budgeting issues at my day job! But I have had some time to think about this one, and as the odometer has officially flipped on ten years, here we go -

What I've Learned Covering the Watch Business:

The Real Meaning of Friend of the BRAND -
There really is no such thing. You might be a friend of a sales rep, you might be a friend of the marketing folks, but there is no relationship with the brand other than the one you ascribe in your own mind. Friend of the Brand gets bandied around by pr agency representatives as a palliative to make you not feel like such a loser while you are forced to wait beyond your appointment time in the reception area while someone from one of the bigger outlets is enjoying sushi with the CEO and head of PR in the big room. Don't get me wrong, I have made some very good friends in the business who I am still in touch with after they've moved on to other brands and even to other industries. But you will learn, in time, that the majority of relationships you have with brands are transactional. Keep that in mind, and you'll never be disappointed.

The REVOLUTION is, for the most part, over -
Ultimately, there is not a lot left to be discovered. Let me re-phrase that so I don't sound like such a "Henki-Raincloud". What I mean is that the days of wonder and amazement have probably gone the way of the rock-star CEO. There was only one Ludwig Oechslin, and without Rolf Schnyder to partner with him and coax out the Freak, or the Trilogy of Time he is the part owner of ochs und junior.  Nothing wrong with that, but while it would be wonderful to have him come back with another extreme complication, it does not seem highly likely. The Corum Bubble has not necessarily burst, but a lot of the air has been let out of it. The Big Bang has seen its day, and AP can only make so many reiterations of the Royal Oak.


A Cult of Personality might work in North Korea, but not so much in the watch business -
On the real side, Blancpain could not have been done by anyone other than Biver. And in fairness, Hublot went as far as he could carry it on his back. But even the sheer force of will that Biver brought to bear on Zenith could not really turn the tide. Inevitably, in the words of that other great commentator on watches, Chuck Yeager as played by Sam Shepard in The Right Stuff -
"Sometimes you get a pooch that can't be screwed, ya know?"

I guess my point is this - you don't really see Thierry Stern or Jean-Frederic Dufour mugging with "celebrity chums" at movie premieres and red velvet rope events. For a brand to really truly endure, it has to be more than just the face of the current boss. Patek and Rolex will continue to be here, continue to set the tone for everyone else. Zenith, among others, needs to resolve its revolving identity crisis, make a decision about who and what they are, and stick with it for more than 6 months at a time.

"My Friend" is still not so subtle code for "You Asshole" -
I still stand by this, and after more than 10 years my belief in this reality is stronger than ever.

Sincere gratitude is scarcer than a NIB vintage Daytona -
1. If you are writing for pay? Make sure you get paid.
2. If you are writing for personal pleasure and satisfaction? Then only you can provide that for yourself.
3. If you are writing with the hopes of praise and thanks? Refer back to points 1 and 2 or cease and desist.

Rich, famous, important people are a lot less interesting when you finally meet them -

Little known bit of Henki lore, my father was a country club manager. Translation? He worked so that the more well-heeled could play. I worked in the locker room of the club, my first job working as a shoe shine guy. Believe it or not, in the 70s and 80s, there was an actual industry based upon shining the shoes of rich people while they walked around a park-like environment, drinking beer and whacking small white balls. Rich people, famous people? They are people. George Steinbrenner was a titan of industry and master manipulator. I can tell you from personal experience, his shoes smelled just as awful as those worn by an orthodontist, dermatologist or mid-level auto executive's. The one thing all four of these guys had in common? They were shitty tippers.

I have met some of the big swinging dicks of the industry. It is all too often underwhelming.

When anyone tells you how amazing you are and how "just as soon as you take advertising, we're in!" this person should be taken with about as much seriousness as you would take the drunk person asking for $3 on the commuter train so that they can "buy a healthy snack" -
We all say a lot of highly dubious stuff when we've been drinking. That's why your wife/husband/partner learns over the years to apply the bullshit filter. Make sure you do the same, it will spare you a fair amount of frustration and disappointment.

When you have made it clear by your actions and writing that you are predisposed to write nice things about a brand, and said brand treats you with a fair amount of disdain? Take it on the heel and toe. Love needs to be reciprocal -

I find it ironic looking back that the first brand I ever wrote about here was NOMOS, and that last year they invited me on a press trip, assured me it was arranged, and then when I wrote to follow-up 3 weeks prior to the travel date, I was informed that I was "uninvited", no explanation, and some bullshit about the trip being "overbooked", which was false as at least one invitee had declined the invitation and I knew that they were scrambling to fill the space - apparently (and specifically) not with me ; )
Well then, NOMOS, fuck you very much.

Brands are made up of people. The brand does not exist without the people. If a brand has good people - I will do ALL that I can. If a brand has people that just don't care? Why should I care about them?

I get the odd comment - "I thought you were a fan of Brand A". Well, I have come to learn that brands are made of people. It's not as if the founders of Girard-Perregaux are going to make a special appearance in the physical world to tour me around the factory. The brand? The brand is the people who work there. So put it in another context - do you like spending time with people who treat you poorly? Of course you don't. Molly Ringwald's entire career was based on this notion. A watch is an inanimate object. It can't speak for itself. A brand is not simply products. A brand is the people who make those products, and share that message.

Brand ambassadors are about as worthwhile as what you wipe your backside with -

There is a reason why Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot are not mentioned as customers of Brand X.
Churchill, Napoleon, Lindbergh? All flawed, all now "ambassadors" from the great beyond. Well, they won, didn't they? They were all flawed, all had baggage. But they are a whole lot more palatable. Question - do you think that the Mario Batali Ernst Benz is a big seller right now?
Sorry, too soon?

A brand ambassador will not be there with you when they turn out the lights and escort you out of your now former office. A former brand that was "ALL IN" can attest to that.

Remember everyone you meet when times are good. You will see them again on your way back down -
It is inevitable to fail. The trick is not to make a habit of it. More importantly? Don't be a jackass when times are good. Sooner or later, it is likely you will fail. By and large, most of us want to help people and offer our support. That is, of course, presuming that person behaved, well, like a person when times were good ; )

Don't fake the funk -
Because in the immortal words of that other great commentator on the watch industry Daryl Dawkins:
“When everything is said and done there is nothing left to do or say.”

What I've Learned

Despite some pretty dubious watch coverage (i.e. you pay, we'll cover you), I still really enjoy Esquire and I am a big fan of their "What I've Learned" interview segments.  So given some recent interactions I've had both in person and online, and considering that if I count back to when I first stepped behind the counter at Tourneau in San Francisco, I've been "in the game" for 15 years now, I thought it might be fun to put out my own "What I've Learned" piece.  So, gentle reader, here is some of what 
I've learned -

While it is true that Hayek saved the Swiss Watch industry, Jean-Claude Biver would have still kicked ass with Blancpain and would have lived happily ever after either way.

I was there before Hublot became what they would become.  
I am still here now that it is a somewhat bumbling PR gas factory that, apparently, also makes watches.  Although I know that I have the ability to highly irritate him, I have a great deal of respect for Jean-Claude Biver.  But now is the time to start thinking about legacy.  About what happens when he is no longer there.  Jean-Claude Biver is a very, very impressive man.  He has done some very amazing things. Here's hoping it doesn't get washed away.

When a brand manager or CEO asks you "How are you my friend?"  The translation of that is - "how you doing, asshole?"

Brand managers, CEOs, PR people?  By and large,they are not your friends.  Don't delude yourself to the contrary.  You might get lucky with a few - and I have, but the true friends will reveal themselves over time, and they are the ones you should always make time for at BaselWorld.


Having said all that - sometimes you will, despite your compulsion to serve up cold cups of coffee, find some true friends and supporters in some very unexpected places.

You will learn to see when people are genuine.  Hold onto those people like a non-treatable social disease.  They have every reason to dislike you based on what you write or say, and yet they are your audience.  And they are your friends indeed.

Rich, famous, important people - are a lot less interesting when you finally meet them.

Little known piece of Henki lore, my father was a country club manager.  Translation?  He worked so that the more well-heeled could play.  I worked in the locker room of the club, my first job working as a shoe shine guy.  Believe it or not, in the 70s and 80s, there was an actual industry based upon shining the shoes of rich people while they walked around a park-like environment, drinking beer and whacking small white balls.  Rich people, famous people?  They are people.  George Steinbrenner was a titan of industry and master manipulator.  I can tell you from personal experience, his shoes smelled just as awful as an orthodontist, dermatologist or mid-level auto executive's.   The one thing all four of these guys had in common?  They were shitty tippers.

I have met some of the big swinging dicks of the industry.  It is all too often underwhelming.

When anyone tells you how amazing you are and how "just as soon as you take advertising, we're in!"  this person should be taken with about as much seriousness as you would take the drunk person asking for $3 on the commuter train so that they can "buy a healthy snack".

We all say a lot of highly dubious stuff when we've been drinking.  That's why your wife/husband/partner learns over the years to apply the bullshit filter.  Make sure you do the same, it will spare you a fair amount of heartache.

When you have made it clear by your actions, your writing, and your passion that you are predisposed to write nice things about a brand, and said brand treats you with a fair amount of indifference?  Take it on the heel and toe.  Love needs to be reciprocal.

I am still somewhat miffed by my interaction with a certain member of the SWATCH group.  I gave up a Thanksgiving holiday, spent several hundred dollars of my own money to interview their CEO, and then watched as the outlet that they were on retainer with got so-called "exclusives", review opportunities, etc., and I got the cold shoulder.   To this day, I have no doubt that the North American brand manager of SWATCH GROUP brand X just thinks that I am a difficult person.  But in fairness?  If someone is willing to give you so much for NOTHING?  You can spare a little time and a little effort.  And for what it's worth?  In speaking with retail partners of SWATCH GROUP brand X, they are not exactly selling like the waffle's sexier cousin - the hotcake.

Brands are made up of people.  The brand does not exist without the people.  If a brand has good people - I will do ALL that I can.  If a brand has people that just don't care?  Why should I care about them?

I get the odd comment - "I thought you were a fan of Brand A".  Well, I have come to learn that brands are made of people.  It's not as if the founders of Girard-Perregaux are going to make a special appearance in the physical world to tour me around the factory.  The brand?  The brand is the people who work there.  So put it in another context - do you like spending time with people who treat you poorly?  Of course you don't.  Molly Ringwald's entire career was based on this notion.  A watch is an inanimate object.  It can't speak for itself.  A brand is not simply products.  A brand is the people who make those products, and share that message.  

Brand ambassadors are about as worthwhile as what you wipe your backside with.

There is a reason why Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot are not mentioned as customers of Brand X.  

Churchill, Napoleon, Lindbergh?  All flawed, all now "ambassadors" from the great beyond.  Well, they won, didn't they? They were all flawed, all had baggage. But they are a whole lot more palatable. 

Question - do you think that the Mario Batali Ernst Benz is a big seller right now?  

Sorry, too soon? 

A brand ambassador will not be there with you when they turn out the lights.  A former brand that was "ALL IN" can attest to that.

Remember everyone you meet when times are good.  You will see them again on your way back down.  

It is inevitable to fail.  The trick is not to make a habit of it.  More importantly?  Don't be a jackass when times are good.  Sooner or later, it is likely you will fail.  By and large, most of us want to help people and offer our support.  That is, of course, presuming that person behaved, well, like a person when times were good ; )

Don't fake the funk 

Because in the immortal words of that other great commentator on the watch industry Daryl Dawkins:
“When everything is said and done there is nothing left to do or say.”  

Do Black People Buy Watches?

I for one am pretty confident that they do.  Which is why I am frequently baffled by the approach taken by the majority of the watch industry when it comes to marketing, advertising and PR.  The African American demographic is not exactly sought after by the majority of brands when it comes to partnerships, brand ambassadors, and advertising campaigns.  Or maybe it is, and the majority of brands just can't figure out how to actually sign an ambassador who is, well, not white.

I thought it might be worth comparing a few well-known brands and their African American/ black ambassadors and let you the readers, draw your own conclusions.  We'll do these two at a time.  

Today:

Audemars Piguet -
Currently?  Serena Williams.  Oh!  And a shit-ton of white golfers with one or two people of color thrown in, who are also golfers.  It is very clear that Audemars Piguet likes golf ; )

In fairness, in the past Audemars Piguet did back Lebron James.

Now I want to be clear that I am depending upon the brand's current website as well as what can be uncovered with a quick Google search.  There may, indeed, be others, but if there are, Audemars Piguet is not exactly pushing that news.


Omega -
Brace yourself - 0
Again, I am drawing this conclusion from Omega's website, their advertising, etc.  Interesting to relate that Omega did a big campaign about famous people and their love of Omega's Speedmaster -

SPEEDMASTER FANS

I did a quick head count, and it is still early in the morning here in the metro Boston area, but I counted around 80 faces, and one of them, AJ Calloway, is African American.

I did a double check of the listed brand ambassadors - many I respect and admire (and a few who make me scratch my head).  And you guessed it, nary a black person to be found.  Now if the rumors are true, and Idris Elba becomes the next Bond, it might force the marketing department in Biel/Bienne to expand their palette ; )

Again, I want to be very clear - this is not a complex or scientific analysis.  This is a very simple exercise based on what can be found either in print advertisements or a brand's website.  

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY - I am ready, willing, and able to have any brand point out any ambassador, partnership, etc. that I might have missed.

To be continued...