Fall Repeat - I Could Do It Better Myself! The Brand CEO

Or, a cautionary tale on the realities of the watch business.

In a former life, I was not in the watch business on any level whatsoever.  I bought the three US based watch magazines with the same fervor of an 8 year old buying baseball cards. Okay, that example might be out of date, but take your young child's current enthusiasm and insert it here ; )

When you admire a business or industry from afar, it is quite easy to see things through rose-colored glasses.  A good friend of mine dreamed of working for a European based professional cycling team.  He wanted to be the guy who was there at the finish line to assist the next Bernard Hinault off his bike at a stage finish of the Tour de France.  After three years of living in shitty hotels around the world, multiple cases of bronchitis, a failed marriage (former wife left him for a barista. To paraphrase her parting words: "at least he had a steady job and was home on weekends") and getting a good scare after getting jabbed by an IV bag's bloody, used needle, he realized that $50,000 a year was not worth it.  Reflecting back, he did have the ability to curse in French, Portuguese, Italian, Spanish, Dutch and one other language that he still can't identify, some scratched-up water bottles, and a signed jersey from a race winner in some minor,  Eastern European stage race that is no longer in existence.  His former wife earned an MBA and that former Barista now works for a well-respected NGO in micro finance, and has given a well-received TED Talk. The point being? Sometimes dreams are just that...

But let's get back to watches.  Despite the fact that I have no hesitation to call bullshit on certain situations, I suffer no delusions as to the difficulty of trying to run, or even work for a brand.  Today, let's start at the top and think about that rockstar - the CEO.

As has been mentioned before, the late 90s and early Oughts brought with them the era of the watch brand CEO as rock star. We all know that Biver was Blancpain, Omega then Hublot. We know that Frederique Constant were led by the Stas family, and that Thierry Stern is the latest (and perhaps last) Stern family member that will helm the ship as the gold medal winner in the genetic Olympics.  Now in most other industries, a CEO is, well, just not that sexy.  For whatever reason (and we all theorize about it) watch CEOs suddenly became not only relevant, but exciting!  And for better or worse, that has been steadily changing over the past few years.  And with it we have seen some pretty dramatic falls from some pretty lofty heights.

As armchair experts, we assume that as a CEO you live a pretty easy, idyllic life -

You roll into the office at around 10:00 AM, traipse through the production facility wishing all of the watchmakers well, grab the paper and plop your feet up on your desk as an espresso magically appears at your side.  You might then speak briefly with a sales manager hearing the wonderful results, then you saunter down to the executive dining room for lunch.  After lunch you're off to the airport where a private jet whisks you off to Italy for a photo-op with your favorite footballer who trades you a signed jersey for a (retail) $20,000 watch. You have a lovely early dinner with said star, team president and other hangers-on.  Then back to the private jet that whisks you home, where your stunning (not-so-age appropriate) partner is waiting for you wearing little more than a smile.  

This is, of course, all bullshit.

So I thought I would share with you a montage of of the Swiss and Japanese CEO's I have worked with and give you a sense of what their day was like:

4:15 - rudely awakened by a random call from an overseas sales manager who despite working for a company that manufactures, markets and sells wrist watches, has still not grasped the concept of international time zones.  But what can you do?  He's the nephew of one of your Board members.

6:00 - after stealing back 15 - 20 minutes of sleep, you have to get up, put on your track suit and take the dog out before you have another unfortunate incident that will require strong cleaning products to remedy if you don't get the puppy on the leash and out into the garden in the next 45, 44, 43 seconds!

6:20 - you made the mistake of bringing your cell phone with you on the walk which is now taking longer than usual as you have a call from the head of assembly, informing you that there was a leak in the lavatory that has now seeped down into the workshop.  You are now really regretting not selling the beautiful old workshop (great for photo opportunities and media "moments" but your watchmakers hate it) when you were approached by that smooth talking, but slightly dodgy real-estate agent who was shopping on the behalf of a very wealthy client hailing from a former Soviet Republic/Stan, who could not be named, but who you suspect belongs to a "fraternal" organization made up of other mysterious fellows that is not the Elks or the Masons.  

7:15 - chasing the kids to hurry up and get ready!  Your partner has already left for work, and today's your day to get the children to their three different schools which are, you guessed it, in three different villages.

8:20 - all three now safely deposited at their institutions of learning, you work the phone (via your hands-free set-up) as you drive on to the office.  No work has taken place in the workshop.  The plumber is, apparently, on vacation in Majorca, and you are now reaching out to a regional assembler to see if they can help you out in the short term by handling the assembly of a week's worth of production.

8:55 - you sprint past the main entry way where you clap eyes on the journalist who is there for an interview (set to start in five, no make that four minutes).  Brief pleasantries are exchanged, and you make your way to one of the conference rooms.  This is the same room that was used for the company yoga class last night, and is still a wee-bit "aromatic" this morning.  

9:05 - after apologizing for the absence of a coffee (nobody remembered to order more Nespressso pods), you begin the dog and pony show with the journalist who you realize is just slightly older than your eldest child, and might be finally old enough to vote in their first election this year.  Halfway through the interview/inquisition you are then treated to the sales pitch from said journalist who presents you with a rate card for today's interview.  If you want it to run beyond their instagram feed, it will cost X.  You make a mental note to cancel the lunch reservation and wrap this up as quickly as possible.  A "goodie bag" is assembled and passed over, and you move onto the next hurdle.

10:45 - Regional Assembler owner calls to inform you that they are "SLAMMED" with orders from (Regional Assembler begins to drop big, expensive names), but maybe you could meet at the most expensive restaurant near his shop to discuss the possibilities over lunch?

11:05 - after reviewing the plumbing situation, you call your brother-in-law who you remember did a 6 month apprenticeship back in the 80s, and might be able to help out.

11:50 - you remember that tomorrow is the board meeting. You put together a shopping list for food and beverages, and NESPRESSO PODS, Dammit!

12:30 - you arrive at the most expensive restaurant near the assembler's shop to find the assembler and someone who is very clearly not his wife sharing the remains of a not inexpensive bottle of champagne.  You do the mental math and realize that you probably never should have called him in the first place.  Your guests order half the menu, you order a cup of soup and still water, trying to figure out how to explain this to your accounting department.  In the end, apologies all around, but we're just too busy to help you.  "But we should do this again some time!"

2:43 - back at the workshop, your brother in law is on the scene, has somehow managed to field strip the leaky joint, run out to the local home improvement store, purchased the requisite replacement gaskets, re-assembled the connection, flushed the pipes and...
Good as new!  He even grabs a mop to help the cleaning crew clean up the mess!  You make a mental note, contact the purchasing office and - with your own money - buy him a new watch with your company discount.  Thank you's are exchanged and you make plans for him and his family to come over at the weekend.  All is right with the world... for now.

4:45 - after about a ZILLION calls from overseas agents, you then have your meeting with the marketing department who are very, very keen to make a regional F3 racer a brand ambassador.  You google the name and realize that said F3 racer is the godson of your head of marketing.  You keep your poker face, and suggest a follow-up meeting about it next week.

8:30 - You have nearly finished preparing your presentation for the board meeting tomorrow night, your partner calls to ask you if you could please pick up your middle child who missed the bus after her karate class.  So you gather up a few files, grab your shopping list for tomorrow, grab your laptop and head to your car, your daughter, and finally - home.

Yes, it's not all glamour ; )

What I've Learned - The 10th Anniversary Edition

So irony of ironies, the 10th Anniversary of Tempus Fugit arrived while I was busy writing grant proposals and ironing out budgeting issues at my day job! But I have had some time to think about this one, and as the odometer has officially flipped on ten years, here we go -

What I've Learned Covering the Watch Business:

The Real Meaning of Friend of the BRAND -
There really is no such thing. You might be a friend of a sales rep, you might be a friend of the marketing folks, but there is no relationship with the brand other than the one you ascribe in your own mind. Friend of the Brand gets bandied around by pr agency representatives as a palliative to make you not feel like such a loser while you are forced to wait beyond your appointment time in the reception area while someone from one of the bigger outlets is enjoying sushi with the CEO and head of PR in the big room. Don't get me wrong, I have made some very good friends in the business who I am still in touch with after they've moved on to other brands and even to other industries. But you will learn, in time, that the majority of relationships you have with brands are transactional. Keep that in mind, and you'll never be disappointed.

The REVOLUTION is, for the most part, over -
Ultimately, there is not a lot left to be discovered. Let me re-phrase that so I don't sound like such a "Henki-Raincloud". What I mean is that the days of wonder and amazement have probably gone the way of the rock-star CEO. There was only one Ludwig Oechslin, and without Rolf Schnyder to partner with him and coax out the Freak, or the Trilogy of Time he is the part owner of ochs und junior.  Nothing wrong with that, but while it would be wonderful to have him come back with another extreme complication, it does not seem highly likely. The Corum Bubble has not necessarily burst, but a lot of the air has been let out of it. The Big Bang has seen its day, and AP can only make so many reiterations of the Royal Oak.


A Cult of Personality might work in North Korea, but not so much in the watch business -
On the real side, Blancpain could not have been done by anyone other than Biver. And in fairness, Hublot went as far as he could carry it on his back. But even the sheer force of will that Biver brought to bear on Zenith could not really turn the tide. Inevitably, in the words of that other great commentator on watches, Chuck Yeager as played by Sam Shepard in The Right Stuff -
"Sometimes you get a pooch that can't be screwed, ya know?"

I guess my point is this - you don't really see Thierry Stern or Jean-Frederic Dufour mugging with "celebrity chums" at movie premieres and red velvet rope events. For a brand to really truly endure, it has to be more than just the face of the current boss. Patek and Rolex will continue to be here, continue to set the tone for everyone else. Zenith, among others, needs to resolve its revolving identity crisis, make a decision about who and what they are, and stick with it for more than 6 months at a time.

"My Friend" is still not so subtle code for "You Asshole" -
I still stand by this, and after more than 10 years my belief in this reality is stronger than ever.

Sincere gratitude is scarcer than a NIB vintage Daytona -
1. If you are writing for pay? Make sure you get paid.
2. If you are writing for personal pleasure and satisfaction? Then only you can provide that for yourself.
3. If you are writing with the hopes of praise and thanks? Refer back to points 1 and 2 or cease and desist.

Rich, famous, important people are a lot less interesting when you finally meet them -

Little known bit of Henki lore, my father was a country club manager. Translation? He worked so that the more well-heeled could play. I worked in the locker room of the club, my first job working as a shoe shine guy. Believe it or not, in the 70s and 80s, there was an actual industry based upon shining the shoes of rich people while they walked around a park-like environment, drinking beer and whacking small white balls. Rich people, famous people? They are people. George Steinbrenner was a titan of industry and master manipulator. I can tell you from personal experience, his shoes smelled just as awful as those worn by an orthodontist, dermatologist or mid-level auto executive's. The one thing all four of these guys had in common? They were shitty tippers.

I have met some of the big swinging dicks of the industry. It is all too often underwhelming.

When anyone tells you how amazing you are and how "just as soon as you take advertising, we're in!" this person should be taken with about as much seriousness as you would take the drunk person asking for $3 on the commuter train so that they can "buy a healthy snack" -
We all say a lot of highly dubious stuff when we've been drinking. That's why your wife/husband/partner learns over the years to apply the bullshit filter. Make sure you do the same, it will spare you a fair amount of frustration and disappointment.

When you have made it clear by your actions and writing that you are predisposed to write nice things about a brand, and said brand treats you with a fair amount of disdain? Take it on the heel and toe. Love needs to be reciprocal -

I find it ironic looking back that the first brand I ever wrote about here was NOMOS, and that last year they invited me on a press trip, assured me it was arranged, and then when I wrote to follow-up 3 weeks prior to the travel date, I was informed that I was "uninvited", no explanation, and some bullshit about the trip being "overbooked", which was false as at least one invitee had declined the invitation and I knew that they were scrambling to fill the space - apparently (and specifically) not with me ; )
Well then, NOMOS, fuck you very much.

Brands are made up of people. The brand does not exist without the people. If a brand has good people - I will do ALL that I can. If a brand has people that just don't care? Why should I care about them?

I get the odd comment - "I thought you were a fan of Brand A". Well, I have come to learn that brands are made of people. It's not as if the founders of Girard-Perregaux are going to make a special appearance in the physical world to tour me around the factory. The brand? The brand is the people who work there. So put it in another context - do you like spending time with people who treat you poorly? Of course you don't. Molly Ringwald's entire career was based on this notion. A watch is an inanimate object. It can't speak for itself. A brand is not simply products. A brand is the people who make those products, and share that message.

Brand ambassadors are about as worthwhile as what you wipe your backside with -

There is a reason why Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot are not mentioned as customers of Brand X.
Churchill, Napoleon, Lindbergh? All flawed, all now "ambassadors" from the great beyond. Well, they won, didn't they? They were all flawed, all had baggage. But they are a whole lot more palatable. Question - do you think that the Mario Batali Ernst Benz is a big seller right now?
Sorry, too soon?

A brand ambassador will not be there with you when they turn out the lights and escort you out of your now former office. A former brand that was "ALL IN" can attest to that.

Remember everyone you meet when times are good. You will see them again on your way back down -
It is inevitable to fail. The trick is not to make a habit of it. More importantly? Don't be a jackass when times are good. Sooner or later, it is likely you will fail. By and large, most of us want to help people and offer our support. That is, of course, presuming that person behaved, well, like a person when times were good ; )

Don't fake the funk -
Because in the immortal words of that other great commentator on the watch industry Daryl Dawkins:
“When everything is said and done there is nothing left to do or say.”

What If? Update Number 7!

And BIG UPS to RESSENCE!  Our "Band of Brothers and Sisters" has grown to 12 with RESSENCE joining forces with Girard-Perregaux, JEANRICHARD, A. Manzoni & Fils, Kobold, Aquadive, ISOfrane, Xetum, Jardur, Gavox, the Oberlin Pen Company and SAVOY!

And for those of you have have missed it ; )

What if?

Dear watch companies,

What if?

What if each one of you could take even $5,000 from your annual budgets and donate it to a common cause?  What if the mighty SWATCH, Richemont, LVMH, ROLEX, Sowind, Audemars Piguet, Patek Phillipe, Ulysse Nardin… what if you all came together with a reasonable contribution with the sole goal of trying to fix an "unfixable" problem?

What if 100 watch companies in the world each contributed $5,000 - or more - to fund rangers to protect elephants and rhinos from poachers?  What if based on that, we could then go to people with even more money?  What if your KINDNESS and willingness to do something that was totally selfless then triggered people like Phil Knight of Nike, or Oprah Winfrey, or Bill Gates - I mean, let's aim high here!  What if that all got so much money - and so much attention, that it would be better financially for a father to become a ranger, rather than to become a poacher?  

And what if that action, created a groundswell in China and Vietnam to help people understand that maybe, just maybe the preservation of a species is more valuable than a dubious aphrodisiac?

So, let's name some names - Biver, Hayek, Hoffmann, Sofisti (THANK YOU!), Stern, Marini, Raffi, Stas and all the rest of you -

Are you really interested in doing something great - or is it just talk and PR?  

What am I asking for?  $5,000 if you have it - for some of you big brands, that is WAY less than you spend on a month of advertising.  And as the saying goes, if you can't afford $5,000, give what you can!

Do you really want to make a mark in the world and not just talk about it?  Here is a chance to do it!

Who is in?

What If - Fifth Update

And add:

Jardur, Gavox and the Oberlin Pen Company to the list!

And because I could do this all night and all day -

What if?

Dear watch companies,

What if?

What if each one of you could take even $5,000 from your annual budgets and donate it to a common cause?  What if the mighty SWATCH, Richemont, LVMH, ROLEX, Sowind, Audemars Piguet, Patek Phillipe, Ulysse Nardin… what if you all came together with a reasonable contribution with the sole goal of trying to fix an "unfixable" problem?

What if 100 watch companies in the world each contributed $5,000 - or more - to fund rangers to protect elephants and rhinos from poachers?  What if based on that, we could then go to people with even more money?  What if your KINDNESS and willingness to do something that was totally selfless then triggered people like Phil Knight of Nike, or Oprah Winfrey, or Bill Gates - I mean, let's aim high here!  What if that all got so much money - and so much attention, that it would be better financially for a father to become a ranger, rather than to become a poacher?  

And what if that action, created a groundswell in China and Vietnam to help people understand that maybe, just maybe the preservation of a species is more valuable than a dubious aphrodisiac?

So, let's name some names - Biver, Hayek, Hoffmann, Sofisti (THANK YOU!), Stern, Marini, Raffi, Stas and all the rest of you -

Are you really interested in doing something great - or is it just talk and PR?  

What am I asking for?  $5,000 if you have it - for some of you big brands, that is WAY less than you spend on a month of advertising.  And as the saying goes, if you can't afford $5,000, give what you can!

Do you really want to make a mark in the world and not just talk about it?  Here is a chance to do it!

Who is in?

What If? Update Number Four!

And joining our growing group, Xetum have joined forces with Girard-Perregaux, JEANRICHARD, A. Manzoni & Fils, Kobold, Aquadive and ISOfrane to combat the poaching of endangered animals by supporting the rangers sworn to protect them!

Who else is in?

And as a reminder -

What if?

Dear watch companies,

What if?

What if each one of you could take even $5,000 from your annual budgets and donate it to a common cause?  What if the mighty SWATCH, Richemont, LVMH, ROLEX, Sowind, Audemars Piguet, Patek Phillipe, Ulysse Nardin… what if you all came together with a reasonable contribution with the sole goal of trying to fix an "unfixable" problem?

What if 100 watch companies in the world each contributed $5,000 - or more - to fund rangers to protect elephants and rhinos from poachers?  What if based on that, we could then go to people with even more money?  What if your KINDNESS and willingness to do something that was totally selfless then triggered people like Phil Knight of Nike, or Oprah Winfrey, or Bill Gates - I mean, let's aim high here!  What if that all got so much money - and so much attention, that it would be better financially for a father to become a ranger, rather than to become a poacher?  

And what if that action, created a groundswell in China and Vietnam to help people understand that maybe, just maybe the preservation of a species is more valuable than a dubious aphrodisiac?

So, let's name some names - Biver, Hayek, Hoffmann, Sofisti (THANK YOU!), Stern, Marini, Raffi, Stas and all the rest of you -

Are you really interested in doing something great - or is it just talk and PR?  

What am I asking for?  $5,000 - that is WAY less than you spend on a month of advertising.  

Do you really want to make a mark in the world and not just talk about it?  Here is a chance to do it!

Who is in?

What if?

Dear watch companies,

What if?

What if each one of you could take even $5,000 from your annual budgets and donate it to a common cause?  What if the mighty SWATCH, Richemont, LVMH, ROLEX, Sowind, Audemars Piguet, Patek Phillipe, Ulysse Nardin… what if you all came together with a reasonable contribution with the sole goal of trying to fix an "unfixable" problem?

What if 100 watch companies in the world each contributed $5,000 - or more - to fund rangers to protect elephants and rhinos from poachers?  What if based on that, we could then go to people with even more money?  What if your KINDNESS and willingness to do something that was totally selfless then triggered people like Phil Knight of Nike, or Oprah Winfrey, or Bill Gates - I mean, let's aim high here!  What if that all got so much money - and so much attention, that it would be better financially for a father to become a ranger, rather than to become a poacher?  

And what if that action, created a groundswell in China and Vietnam to help people understand that maybe, just maybe the preservation of a species is more valuable than a dubious aphrodisiac?

So, let's name some names - Biver, Hayek, Hoffmann, Sofisti, Stern, Marini, Raffi, Stas and all the rest of you -

Are you really interested in doing something great - or is it just talk and PR?  

What am I asking for?  $5,000 - that is WAY less than you spend on a month of advertising.  

Do you really want to make a mark in the world and not just talk about it?  Here is a chance to do it!

Who is in?