Talk Like An Insider - Part the Second

I have, in previous posts, shared some of the rich idiomatic language unique to the watch business. But I also realize that like any language, it can vary by region or specialization.

And today I thought it might be useful to share with you some of what a colleague has referred to as Henki-Speak.

You might want to turn the lights down and have young, impressionable children leave the room as some of the language is going to get a little blue...

1. The Big Dipper - generally refers to one or two outlets who respond to most press releases with a rate card. The response is invariable couched in regret that the "Team" is just so busy that they don't have time to cover your watch, but one sure-fire way to get coverage would be to "take advantage of" their special "sponsored" or "partner" content. This is a pretty way to discuss payola that leaves enough grey area that some brands will still allow the influential outlet to "dip their hands" into their wallet. Hence - The Big Dipper.

2. To Go Deep South - When a retailer immediately offers 30% off a watch before you can even start to negotiate.

3. To Go All War and Peace - When someone writing about watches insists on taking 5,000 or so words to write about something that really only needed 250. Based on the somewhat verbose prose of one Mr. Tolstoy. As it applies to digital watch journalism, less is sometimes more.

4. Pralines and dick - Typically referring to a big swinging dick in the industry who perpetually treats pretty much everyone like shit, yet somehow still hangs onto his crown. Not to be sexist, but almost exclusively males. Originates with Wayne's World. "If he were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick."

5. A Wimpy - When a retailer, brand, or client continues to delay paying while at the same time requesting more products and or services. Based on the character J. Wellington Wimpy from Popeye, who probably could have taught modern day hustlers a lesson or two on street survival. Famous for the proposition - "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today."

Shamelessly borrowed from the World-Wide Info-Web

6. To Go All Mojo Nixon - For those unfamiliar, Mojo Nixon and Skid Roper were popular for a hot minute back in the 80s, famous for sensitive ballads like "Where the Hell's My Money?", a song about playing a sold out concert and having the club owner try to avoid paying. This is a situation near and dear for many of us who, on occasion, have made the mistake of not insisting on a cash retainer before delivering any work. Which can lead us to react this way to a Wimpy -

Courtesy of Meme on Me

7. Janky - Originates in the Steel City (that's Pittsburgh to you). Essentially meaning of inferior quality, construction, or worth.

8. The Transfer Window Opens - Essentially someone either lost their job, or got a new one. A slight parody of the Transfer Window in European Football (or soccer). Not unlike the trade deadline in American (US) sports like baseball, it is the only time during the season where a team can trade or "transfer" a player that they are no longer so enamored with. Although there is no official transfer deadline in Watch Town, the addition and / or subtraction of executives tends to follow a shared time frame.

9. Buy the Widow a Drink - buying yourself and your colleagues a round of champagne due to your / their success. Based on Barbe-Nicole Clicquot Ponsardin, the famous widow who grew Veuve Clicquot into something truly dynamic. I use this phrase typically when I have succeeded when it seemed highly likely that I would not.

10. My friend - I still maintain this means just the opposite when directed at you by a brand representative. To quote Anthony Bourdain -
"But if you use the word pal - or worse, the phrase my friend - in my kitchen, it'll make people paranoid. My friend famously means "asshole" in the worst and most sincere sense of the word."

Anthony Bourdain's Watches - Courtesy of Theo and Harris

Tonight's content is proof positive that St. Google will set you straight!  

So a little forward here - contrary to what many watch brand management teams think, and very contrary to the "chummy" collegiality that you can lay on thick when in the close confines of BaselWorld or a press junket, there is actually not a whole lot of love or unity within the watch press.  And the seasoned professionals have learned to "get along" or as my colleague has often said of his willingness to suffer assholes:  "I'm Switzerland". 

There are certainly some wonderful, kind people that are genuine.  I have a LOT of time for Robert-Jan Broer and the whole team at Fratello.  I am hard-pressed to think of any outlet out there that has earned and deserves their success more.  

And then again, there are some writers and influencers that are out and out reprobates and ne'er do-wells.  The type of maladjusted weasels that will plant a bit of poison in the ear of anyone who will listen in an attempt to run-down a rival and promote their own stature.  I guess it's not unlike any other pursuit.  It attracts both good and bad.  And like any blood sport, tends to not always bring out the best in people.

Shamelessly borrowed from the world-wide info-web

I set out this evening to write something about Anthony Bourdain, who passed away last year, and who is the inspiration for tomorrow's Anthony Bourdain Day.  And as this is, basically, a blog about watches I realized that I might want to do a deeper dive on what watches "Flacko" wore.  I had some already lined up, but in my digging I came upon this piece from Theo and Harris.  And hand to God, I had never heard of Theo and Harris.  Apologies to them, I just don't get out much.  But it was a really nice piece, and I thought why try to re-do something that someone else has already done well.  Now don't tell a certain someone with a "bone in their throat" about me as a commentator that I actually am praising another writer out there - they just might have to rethink their negative attitude ; )

So I give you Theo and Harris on Mr. Bourdain's time machines:

https://theoandharris.com/watch-101-what-watches-did-anthony-bourdain-wear/

Summer Repeat - Two Phrases to Eliminate at BaselWorld (or any watch event, for that matter)

"James is a longtime friend of the brand!"

I hear this throw-away phrase at least six times a day during BaselWorld.  It is one of those profoundly dubious comments bandied about most often by the agencies hired at ridiculously high costs to somehow make you (the blogger) feel important.  I actually couldn't contain the laughter when that little set of bons mots was proffered with utter insincerity in the Girard-Perregaux booth this past year by the very agency that had avoided my calls and put off my repeated requests for an appointment.  Luckily, my coffee cup was only halfway to my mouth, avoiding a potentially embarrassing spray of lukewarm espresso onto the (no doubt) miso stained ties of the Japanese journalists sitting down the table from me.

Friend of the Brand is code for - "We don't advertise with them, we don't really make a huge effort, but they keep insisting on an appointment, so try to say something nice".  It is that not-so-subtle cue that you are clearly inconveniencing these people.


"Good to see you my friend!"

My friend is one of those funny expressions that clearly has different meanings in literal translation. The watch industry's lingua franca is English.  But the majority of the gatekeepers, CEOs, and transplanted brand managers are not native English speakers.  In French, mon ami has a very nice, collegial, downright fraternal meaning.  But there is a certain edge to "my friend" when used by native speakers of English, as it is oftentimes used in what can gently be referred to grammatically as the facetious tense.  I will defer to Chef, author and liver of life Anthony Bourdain's analysis from his seminal tome on the restaurant industry, Kitchen Confidential -

Shamelessly borrowed from Wikipedia

Pinche wey means "fucking guy" but can also mean "you adorable scamp" or "pal".  But if you use the word pal - or worse, the phrase my friend - in my kitchen, it'll make people paranoid.  My friend famously means "asshole" in the worst and most sincere sense of the word.

This is Not About Watches

Today was, well, kind of a fucked-up day.  While I truly do try to keep this blog about watches, passion and maybe some ancillary things like pens, clothes and other shiny things that give us all pleasure, tonight I am going to get a wee bit personal.  The week took a pretty nasty turn on Tuesday when news first bubbled, then flat out erupted that designer and fashion darling Kate Spade had taken her own life.  And just when most of us were coming to terms with it, getting the news that Anthony Bourdain decided to leave the party felt like a sucker punch, a cheap shot thrown by a bully that was only thinking of getting a quick laugh from the other louts when they give the school's wimpy kid a wedgie.  It just felt defeating.  I felt helpless.

I realize that this blog is, at times, a repository for schadenfreude.  And in fairness, the reality of the watch industry is that it is populated by a lot of bullet-proof, teflon-coated individuals.  If I am very honest, it is an industry filled with people that can take catastrophic falls and bounce back the next BaselWorld reborn in a new guise with a new product, new brand, a new life.  And again, if I am honest, it was something that used to annoy me.  

Courtesy of Skeletor is Love

And now, in looking at it, that annoyance seems pretty petty.  In fairness?  These are people who despite getting the shit kicked out of them keep coming back.  And isn't that what makes a great story, the come back?  So maybe there is something to be said for the watch executive who comes back to life.

And since you have been patient and read through this, it seems only fair to give some watch stuff.

Back when I was flying the PR flag for a certain watch brand famous for orange dialed watches, I was desperate to get Mario Batali as a brand ambassador, and I spoke with his PR person who let me know that (literally) the very next day, it would be announced that Mr. Batali had signed an agreement with a different watch brand.  And my mind immediately turned to Anthony Bourdain.  I thought that maybe, just maybe, we could get him to wear a black dial version of our watch.  Maybe this could be our new ambassador.  Long story short, I reached out to his assistant, no final connection ever made.  

Ultimately, as it turned out, Mr. Bourdain was a Tag Heuer man.  He even once gave an off-the-cuff pitch to Tag Heuer on one of his programs to please consider him as a potential brand ambassador.  That's moxy!  And he flew the Tag Heuer flag constantly on his programs with a Tag Heuer Link, a Monaco, and I suppose a few others that were not remarked upon.

I think if I can close with anything it would be this - 
Kate Spade and Tony Bourdain were important for A LOT OF REASONS.  But for me personally, it was the way they made us feel about ourselves.  The way that they transformed us, the way that they made us aspire to more, and to be more.  And having said that, there are so many people around us every day who do the same thing.  Granted, they don't have the same PR people ; )
So please, take a look around, and give everyone a hug.   And pay attention to the signals that they might be sending you.

I cannot claim to know or understand what people go through, particularly those in great pain.  And as a Northern Youth growing up, I often couldn't see or understand what was happening in my own family, one that was impacted by suicide and mental health issues.  

But this is what I can do.  I will ask anyone reading this to please do this as well -

Look, listen and be prepared to help.  Even if that help is just someone to talk to.

Life is a true gift, even if we don't always feel that it is.

If you or anyone close to you is in need, here is a number to call in the US:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

 

Call 1-800-273-8255

 

Help is available, please reach out.

Two Phrases to Eliminate at BaselWorld

"James is a longtime friend of the brand!"

I hear this throw-away phrase at least six times a day during BaselWorld.  It is one of those profoundly dubious comments bandied about most often by the agencies hired at ridiculously high costs to somehow make you (the blogger) feel important.  I actually couldn't contain the laughter when that little set of bons mots was proffered with utter insincerity in the Girard-Perregaux booth this past year by the very agency that had avoided my calls and put off my repeated requests for an appointment.  Luckily, my coffee cup was only halfway to my mouth, avoiding a potentially embarrassing spray of lukewarm espresso onto the (no doubt) miso stained ties of the Japanese journalists sitting down the table from me.

Friend of the Brand is code for - "We don't advertise with them, we don't really make a huge effort, but they keep insisting on an appointment, so try to say something nice".  It is that not-so-subtle cue that you are clearly inconveniencing these people.


"Good to see you my friend!"

My friend is one of those funny expressions that clearly has different meanings in literal translation. The watch industry's lingua franca is English.  But the majority of the gatekeepers, CEOs, and transplanted brand managers are not native English speakers.  In French, mon ami has a very nice, collegial, downright fraternal meaning.  But there is a certain edge to "my friend" when used by native speakers of English, as it is oftentimes used in what can gently be referred to grammatically as the facetious tense.  I will defer to Chef, author and liver of life Anthony Bourdain's analysis from his seminal tome on the restaurant industry, Kitchen Confidential -

Shamelessly borrowed from Wikipedia

Pinche wey means "fucking guy" but can also mean "you adorable scamp" or "pal".  But if you use the word pal - or worse, the phrase my friend - in my kitchen, it'll make people paranoid.  My friend famously means "asshole" in the worst and most sincere sense of the word.