In Search of a Place and Time that Likely Never Existed

 “Here's the story they don't want to tell: eight companies make 95 percent of the whiskey in America...And all those different brand names are just that. Brands. Perhaps no word sums up the death of truth in America better than the word brand.”

― Wright Thompson, Pappyland: A Story of Family, Fine Bourbon, and the Things That Last

Regular readers will note that I have, over the years, tried in vain to reconnect with my father (who shuffled off his mortal coil some 16 years ago). These same regular readers will also note that I have held onto the idea of Mido as, I had hoped to be a communication device, a way to connect to him. And in truth this has probably been a fool's errand. Which, I suppose, makes me a fool on a fool's errand. With that said, I did something that - in truth? I will probably do again, and again in some variation. I tried to lay hands to a watch that would be like the Mido (if not identical, at least ring true in feeling) to the same Mido watch that he received the day before I made my grand appearance. That day was July 10. The watch pictured above is a "Franken" watch in the most craven of terms. It was, in fact, until recently not a watch at all. It was purchased some three years ago on Ebay (sorry, but their fawning and showering of money on "A Blog to Watch" does not even remotely guarantee you're getting what you paid for). In this happy instance? It arrived as advertised - a case, dial, crown and set of hands from a former watch maker. "Just add movement"! 

But alas, Betty Crocker was not a watch maker, and this attempt to reconnect to the old man was as fraught with misteps, misunderstandings, and frustration as my teens. 

I am by no stretch the most gifted watch writer out there. Ben Clymer, when he actually takes the time to write someting? Is beyond eloquent. Wei Koh - if he could pause on the name checking / dropping and stop looking for the $10,000 word?  A wonderful story teller. If and when The Rake can solve their distribution challenges? I'm all in.

But there is something that I maybe know a bit about. And that's longing. I have sat at the table, sharing stories about what led me here. Robert-Jan Broer coined a phrase (albeit trying to explain my blunt speech at a "recruitment event" held by Ebner to get ahold of large amounts of watch journalism content at bargain basement prices. A friendly note to Ebner about 10 years overdue - next time serve actual food, not stale bread with dubious smelling sandwich spread and tap water. This was during BaselWorld some years back. And I had looked around the room, looking for the person that didn't belong, and realized it was me. And I asked the question - "Why do we write about watches? Is it money? Presents from brands? Comped travel to fun destinations? Is that really why we got started in this?"

My point was - and continues to be - it had evolved into a business that traded on ego and appearance.

And in fact? Only Robert Jan and I gave actual answers!

He asked me -
"Do you mean, what was the trigger?"
In essence? What had gotten all of us interested in watches in the first place.

Now in fairness, I don't remember his answer as I was getting the "stink eye" from another now well-known and well established Dutch watch media mogul. But my answer was - "Mido".

So we're going to dive into my latest dive down the Mido rabbit hole over the coming week - so stay tuned.

Special Watch Town Linguistics Repeat - Talk Like A Watch Insider - Part the Second

This first ran nearly 3 years ago, and I thought it might be interesting to reheat it -

Talk Like A Watch Insider - Part the Second

I have, in previous posts, shared some of the rich idiomatic language unique to the watch business. But I also realize that like any language, it can vary by region or specialization.

And today I thought it might be useful to share with you some of what a colleague has referred to as Henki-Speak.

You might want to turn the lights down and have young, impressionable children leave the room as some of the language is going to get a little blue...

1. The Big Dipper - generally refers to one or two outlets who respond to most press releases with a rate card. The response is invariable couched in regret that the "Team" is just so busy that they don't have time to cover your watch, but one sure-fire way to get coverage would be to "take advantage of" their special "sponsored" or "partner" content. This is a pretty way to discuss payola that leaves enough grey area that some brands will still allow the influential outlet to "dip their hands" into their wallet. Hence - The Big Dipper.

2. To Go Deep South - When a retailer immediately offers 30% off a watch before you can even start to negotiate.

3. To Go All War and Peace - When someone writing about watches insists on taking 5,000 or so words to write about something that really only needed 250. Based on the somewhat verbose prose of one Mr. Tolstoy. As it applies to digital watch journalism, less is sometimes more.

4. Pralines and dick - Typically referring to a big swinging dick in the industry who perpetually treats pretty much everyone like shit, yet somehow still hangs onto his crown. Not to be sexist, but almost exclusively males. Originates with Wayne's World. "If he were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick."

5. A Wimpy - When a retailer, brand, or client continues to delay paying while at the same time requesting more products and or services. Based on the character J. Wellington Wimpy from Popeye, who probably could have taught modern day hustlers a lesson or two on street survival. Famous for the proposition - "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today."

Shamelessly borrowed from the World-Wide Info-Web

6. To Go All Mojo Nixon - For those unfamiliar, Mojo Nixon and Skid Roper were popular for a hot minute back in the 80s, famous for sensitive ballads like "Where the Hell's My Money?", a song about playing a sold out concert and having the club owner try to avoid paying. This is a situation near and dear for many of us who, on occasion, have made the mistake of not insisting on a cash retainer before delivering any work. Which can lead us to react this way to a Wimpy -

Courtesy of Meme on Me

7. Janky - Originates in the Steel City (that's Pittsburgh to you). Essentially meaning of inferior quality, construction, or worth.

8. The Transfer Window Opens - Essentially someone either lost their job, or got a new one. A slight parody of the Transfer Window in European Football (or soccer). Not unlike the trade deadline in American (US) sports like baseball, it is the only time during the season where a team can trade or "transfer" a player that they are no longer so enamored with. Although there is no official transfer deadline in Watch Town, the addition and / or subtraction of executives tends to follow a shared time frame.

9. Buy the Widow a Drink - buying yourself and your colleagues a round of champagne due to your / their success. Based on Barbe-Nicole Clicquot Ponsardin, the famous widow who grew Veuve Clicquot into something truly dynamic. I use this phrase typically when I have succeeded when it seemed highly likely that I would not.

10. My friend - I still maintain this means just the opposite when directed at you by a brand representative. To quote Anthony Bourdain -
"But if you use the word pal - or worse, the phrase my friend - in my kitchen, it'll make people paranoid. My friend famously means "asshole" in the worst and most sincere sense of the word."

An Open Letter to PR Firms

Relationships and contact lists...

are not the same thing.

As I currently stand on both sides of the watch communication game, I am often surprised if not downright bewildered by the approaches some PR firms make.   It is safe to say that you will not know every journalist/blogger/influencer out there.  I live under absolutely no illusions that Tempus Fugit is on the tips of PR firms' tongues, particularly ones that typically specialize in 
fashion ; )

Having said that...

When you are "courting" your would-be clients, may I suggest that you do not claim to have thousands of contacts, that in fact, you don't.  May I further suggest that you do not buy and sell contact lists? Not only is it unethical, it's also a waste of both you and your client's time and money.  When you buy a list you have bought just that, a list.  People come and go out of the industry. Odd as it may seem, pr and communication are, in fact, people businesses.  Owing to that, there is that pesky need for a relationship at at least some basic level.  

It is very, very easy to understand the attraction for a brand to hire an agency.  And some are certainly very good.  BUT - when you (the agency) are charging $3,500 and up per client, you can afford to take the time to do your OWN homework, develop your own list, and try to do more than simply send emails to strangers.

Or, you can keep doing it the same way you always have.