Shame - Do We Have Any?

“Are you truly incapable of shame? Is there literally nothing that can shame you?"

US Ambassador Samantha Power in her address to the UN, 2016

I want to make a few points very clear before I wade into this:

1. My firm belief is that it is not necessarily the role of the Fourth and Fifth Estates to be the cheerleaders for watch brands, CEOs or deep pocketed conglomerates. 

2. Every member of the Fourth and Fifth Estates not only has the right to an opinion, they have a responsibility to express it, as opinion, if they feel strongly about it. If it is within journalistic norms to express an affinity for a particular watch in the process of writing a review of it, it is also within those same norms to give the not-so-nice feedback about how the watch turned the reviewer's wrist green. 

Okay, that's out of the way.

Since the Russian invasion of Ukraine, I have had some time to think about what I think is really important. At the moment, it isn't watches. 

We have now reached a  point of no return. With Russia's invasion of a peaceful, sovereign neighbor we should be asking ourselves is this -  What is really important? I feel safe in saying that the mothers and children making their way to the Polish border, separated from their husbands and fathers really do not give two shits about the latest brand partnership. I suspect that currently their most exotic dreams of luxury include a hot (or let's be honest, even a cold) meal and a safe place to sleep. And that is with the knowledge that they may never see their husbands and fathers again. I don't think any amount of champagne or fist class press junkets are going to make me feel okay about that.

Back in the 70s and 80s, there was a lovely (yes, that is sarcasm) little system of governance in South Africa called Apartheid. Many of us actively protested, occupied university offices demanding investment divestment, and boycotted all South African products. This was not intended to punish the South African people. Just as the Olympic ban was not designed to punish the individual people. Many of these things, when taken on the micro level of an individual action were more symbolic gesture than impactful. But a funny thing happened. More and more people came together, raised their voices, and although it took a long time, Apartheid finally fell. While I live under no illusions that my lone action was felt on a macro level, I do like to think that I lived by my principles.

As this pertains to the watch industry, it is time to ask some questions about international social responsibility. For those of us who write about these things, we can chose what we write about. For brands, you can chose who you do business with. My hope, very sincerely, is that any boycott is short-lived because the violence will have stopped and has not resumed. But until it does, until the Russian troops leave Ukraine, until peace is the Standard Operating Policy of the Kremlin, I will stand on my principles. 

Ultimately, a man must have a code. 

A Dick Move - The Transfer Window Opens at Richemont

Yes, gentle reader, it's going to get a bit "blue"...

Per the Urban Dictionary:

Dick move

When a person goes out of their way to do something that barely improves their life but greatly inconveniences those around them for no other reason than to be a dick

by Pinkman84 July 13, 2015

Word reached the Northshore offices of Tempus Fugit late yesterday afternoon that the shot-callers at Richemont once again had a bad case of the fidgets. And as someone far smarter, better informed and (if we're being honest about it), better liked than yours truly (G. Pons) puts it, the latest game of musical chairs is on. And it seems that this time the axe is falling on someone who did what they were asked to do, and now has gotten her ticket punched as a thank-you.

Chabi Nouri, if the reports from Ms. Tweed, Bilan, Le Temps, and other sources are to be believed, has been relieved of her position at Piaget. The reasoning given that sales at Piaget have been slumping (which is not exactly "new" news), and per Ms. Tweed -

"Several industry sources blamed Chabi, saying she had focused too much on high jewelry, the Middle East and Asia and neglected Piaget’s core watch customers in other regions." 

Shamelessly borrowed from the World-Wide Infoweb

Now let's jump in the "Wayback Machine" to those thrilling days of...just over four years ago, when Ms. Chabi was appointed CEO and her predecessor had this to say about high jewelry watches -

https://www.ft.com/content/4ebad466-f82b-11e6-bd4e-68d53499ed71

(As the Financial Times has some pretty sticky policies about quoting their articles, I urge you to read the article linked above).

To paraphrase, Philippe Léopold-Metzger essentially said that Piaget had probably neglected jewelry watches too much, and that this would be part of Ms. Nouri's mandate. Even more ironic when you consider that the young man warming up on the touchline and getting ready to take off his tracksuit and go into the match is coming from... you guessed it - a JEWELRY company. So, it seems that if the "industry insiders" are to be believed, she did what she was asked to do and is now moving to be a “strategic adviser” to Richemont CEO Jerome Lambert, which I suspect is not unlike a duck making the move to l'Orange. And pretty ironic that someone else with (what I am assuming) is pretty much a jewelry background) is being brought in to run the watch brand that was "too" jewelry focused? What the actual f___k?!?

There are, of course, other rumblings about what the real reasons for her departure are. And it does not help that other rumors are starting to swirl about the future of Richemont's other female watch brand CEO. Let's just say it does not do Richemont's and Rupert's claim that they wanted to break the "sapphire crystal" ceiling much good.

Here's the thing, and it's something that the big dogs at Richemont seem to be having a tough time getting their heads around, it takes time to turn things around. As that other great commentator on the watch business, Barry Hearn once opined -

"You can't take a baby and turn it into a teenager overnight, things take time."

And this is the part that I find particularly curious, and almost perverse - there is at least 1(if not 2) layer/s of supervisory management that separates each of the Richemont CEOs from Rupert and ultimately the board.  So if these CEOs are failing so dramatically, what does that say about the guy who is supposed to be managing them?  We shall wait and we shall see.

I'll See Your Dick Move And Raise You An F-You!

They say that breaking up is hard to do, and if the latest shit-show between DOXA and their former favorite "brother from another mother" is anything to go by, I guess that it's true.

Take one not really even cult watch that will maybe be truly wanted by 50 - 100 people on a watch forum, sprinkle in some antagonism, add a dash of arrogance, and you have two new watch models announced over the past 48 hours that bear downright striking resemblances to each other...

"In this corner we bring you the Synchron 70s Military Steel!"

Courtesy of Synchron

"And in this corner we bring you the DOXA Army!"

Courtesy of DOXA

And just to show that this was not a "snappy comeback" in response to a bit of a (let's be honest, somewhat dubious) homage from team Synchron, they offer this inspiring message -

"As of now please find an original picture of several executions back in the beginning of the 70’s. 

Only the original deserves your trust."

Have you ever watched a movie and realized that you have no sympathy for ANY of the characters?  Yeah, it's sorta' like that.  I never understood the appeal of "Bum Fights", but I think I will take a page from the watch forum members, grab some popcorn and watch this train wreck unfold.

If it Bleeds...it's a Dick Move

This is the latest AMAZING advertising campaign featuring an armed, swollen French actor (thankfully NOT in his swim suit) loitering over the carcass of Bambi, kissing bullets and making "smoochy" faces at the dead animal.  Because (according to the poetic waxing of the narrator), his Cvstos made sure that he was on time, and that apparently, it was Bambi's time.  Clearly Bambi did not have a Cvstos.  So for those of you so inclined, here is their EPIC film -


La nouvelle publicité douteuse de Gérard... by


Monsieur Depardieu, in a truly heroic performance, twirls a bullet thoughtfully, kissing it once or twice, and leaves no doubt that Cvstos is proud to be Russian.  Apparently this entails, I don't know, shooting Bambi to make a cheesy video and prove that you are, I guess, proud to be Russian...

Cvstos, I know that some jack ass in your marketing team assured you this would be edgy.

It's not. It's just tacky, in poor taste and clearly designed to get ANY reaction, whether it's positive or negative.  In other words - it was A DICK MOVE.  I can't blame Mr. Depardieu - he is, after all, an actor.  He is just reading lines.  But Cvstos - I can't help but think you might want to reconsider before you load up the PR shotgun again.  You have certainly made an impression.  For every 3 new fans you made, you have now alienated 6.  I am sure that this is from the if it "bleeds it leads" school of marketing.  But as brands are painfully learning (some faster than others) the public is getting tired of it.  If it bleeds - It's a Dick Move.

I am no marketing expert, but I believe the idea of marketing is to get people to actually LIKE you, not hate you.

For the record - I eat meat, I wear leather, and I have friends who are hunters.  They are respectful, and would not use a dead animal as a "prop" in some piece of Kabuki theatre for the inebriated.  I would wish Cvstos luck, but it seems that some common sense might be a bit more of an urgent need.