Friday, July 19, 2024

The Transfer Window Opens - Welcome to Crazy Town

Well for those who were on the edge of their pool floats or chaise lounges, fear not! The transfer window is apparently still open and though this is more fish-wrap than news at this point, let's get caught up, shall we?

News was strategically placed with that bastion of impartial reporting Hodinkee (oops, coffee just shot out of my nose and I need to take break to wipe the screen) that "Arnault, the even younger" had a case of the fidgets and hiked up his leg to more firmly "mark" his territory around the halls of LVMH's watch division. Long story short? Former favorite of God (JC Biver) Ricardo Guadalupe (you may remember him from such jobs as "CEO of Hublot") has either decided, or been asked, to sling his hook and take it on the arches. Now the official word is that he will be assuming the position of "Honorary President" of Hublot, which essentially means he won't be required to go to board meetings and he can play out his contract. He is only 59, so I tend to doubt that this will be his last stop, but you never know.

I have no doubt this suits junior just fine as Guadalupe was the last of Biver's palace guards, and know the only thing he is running is Jack and shit, and Jack just left town.

But then the other intriguing turn - fresh off of a truly stunning few months at Tag Heuer (yes, that was sarcasm) Julian Tornare leaves La Chaux-de-Fonds in the rearview as he heads south to Geneva to lead product placement firm Hublot. 

Rumor has it they make watches as well ;)

Now the other funny bit in all of this is reading the commentary from some of my more well-heeled colleagues in Watch Town's Fourth and Fifth Estate claiming that Mr. G had spent too much time and focus on brand partnerships and famous "chums". It is clear that they slept through the Biver years at Hublot ; ) 

This is made even funnier when notable conspiracy theorist and pro football player Aaron Rogers was picked to "Reach His Star" (still the worst tagline ever) on behalf of Zenith. So look for more NFL quarterbacks to be joining the Hublot stable now that Tornare can indulge in fantasy football picks with a real budget to throw at them.

But then perhaps the goofiest turn of events came from independent brand Audemars Piguet. You might have heard of them, old family owned independent brand with one and a half product collections? It would seem that although the Royal Oak continues to be hotter than Satan's jockstrap, Hodinkee's personally anointed sage on all things horology and pop music has been tipped to be a special envoy. So needless to say, Hodinkee will now be able to rhapsodize about which version of the Royal Oak best sets off a tattoo sleeve with leather jacket sleeve zhuzhed. Give me strength...

Here is the info, straight from AP -

A unique collaboration.
We are thrilled to announce that we have appointed the iconic American singer, guitarist, and watch collector, John Mayer, as our “creative conduit”.
In this unique role, John Mayer will not only act as a channel of creativity, pushing the brand to explore new horizons and elevate our technical, aesthetic, and ergonomic developments, but he will also serve as an important translator between Audemars Piguet and watch enthusiasts worldwide. His collector’s eye and deep insight will guide us in innovating to meet the ever-evolving needs and expectations of our clients.

Okay, I have absolutely zero idea what a "creative conduit" is, but this new "job" for Mr. M truly begs credulity. I mean, unless he has some idea to save the 1/2 product family the ill-fated Code 11.59, 'cause that is one turd that seems to refuse to be flushed....

Do you mean to tell me that Audemars Piguet, with more cash than some small third-world GNPs, and with 1 of their 1.5 product families having one of the most sought after watches of all time needs a man notable for these bon mots which he dropped in an interview with noted watch collector enthusiast magazine, Playboy -

“My d–k is sort of like a white supremacist,” Mayer went on. “I’ve got a Benetton heart and a f—in David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my d–k.”

Well, I guess AP knows what their doing...

Let's hope Mr. Mayer keeps "little David Duke" in his pants, it's Le Brassus, not Las Vegas.

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